Are you up for the task?

I am running a half marathon this Saturday. You may be asking yourself the same questions I am asking myself.


Have I trained? No, not really.

Am I nervous? Yes.

Can I do it? Yes.

Are you sure? Um. Kind of.

Kids, I am pooping bricks her. I haven’t been sitting on my butt since my half marathon in July, but I certainly haven’t been adding on the mileage either! The farthest I’ve ran since the half was a 10K at the beginning of the month.

I *know* that I will be fine. I *know* I can do it.

My plan of attack?

-downing and extra GU during this race. One before and four during.
-Eat before – i.e. Cliff bar, banana and protein shake.
-run 10:1’s. Run 10 minutes, walk 1 minute
-watch my pace; in my first half I was running much faster than I typically would

The forecast…
High of 54
9am – 40 degrees/feels like 35
12pm – 48 degrees/feels like 44

The attire…
Still up in the air. I know that I will be warm after the first 2 miles, so I am contemplating shorts and a t-shirt. Just the thought of running 13.2 miles in pants makes me feel hot and uncomfortable, not to mention the thought of a wet, long sleeve t-shirt sticking to my arms.

Here goes nothin... Watch for the recap next week!

Wishy-washy

Things to not stress about:

Bringing back out your ‘fat’ pants…and loving them.
My first pair of ‘skinny’ pants happens to be one of my favorite pairs, but it has since taken a roll as ‘fat’ pants. Today, I busted them out. They fit. They don’t squeeze my gut, my thighs or my ass. I feel cute in them, I feel comfortable in them, and maybe even a little sexy. Even if they are my fat pants, I don’t care. They fit. I love them. And I am not fat and the pants are just pants.

Feeling like a hungry, hungry hippo.
Last week, mid week, I had the most delicious, most filling bowls of steel cut oats for breakfast two days in a row that left me satisfied until lunch. In hopes to continue that, I had the exact same thing Friday morning, despite really wanting cheesy eggs and toast. Major fail. I was a hungry, hungry, hippo all morning and an unprepared hippo at that. I had NO snacks at work and no idea why I was starving. It went on all day.

I’ve barely started this blog and I have already made it clear that I can be a very wishy-washy, back and forth, ‘can’t make up my mind’ kind of girl.

Towards the end of last week and especially after my hungry, hungry, hippo Friday I began rethinking my choice to go back on WW. I’ve been tracking calories on the side, both eaten and burned and it just doesn’t seem to add up right. I know a deficit is necessary, but my activity+ww=grand canyon deficit.

Aside from being hungry all day Friday, I was also paranoid about Friday evening which would entail dinner out. I refrained from going into the cafeteria to buy something to eat or going to get something to eat to kill the hunger beast because I was concerned about how many points I would need/have left for dinner. When I got home, I gorged on carrots to fill the void and still ended up sending 3 points to a sandwich and leaving me little points for a dinner out. While we were on our way to the restaurant, I started thinking about all the energy I was expending worrying about points.

I know what’s good for my body. I also know what is not good for my body. We ordered appetizers and I tried to mentally track one point for each waffle fry I ate, keep track of how many chips and salsa I ate, guestimate how many points a wing was, and determine how many pieces of flatbread there were without pulling them all apart from eachother. As the night continued, I realized that I didn’t stuff myself with the appetizers. I didn’t hoard them to myself. I wasn’t full beyond full. I realized that I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was eating. I ate it because I enjoyed it. I ate it until I was content, until I realized that the next bite wouldn’t taste any better than the first, second, third, etc., and that I was satisfied.

A few hours later we ordered dinner. I ordered something that I would have ordered whether or not I was counting points. I ordered something that was within MY guidelines of eating. I ordered something that I rationalized as a tasty balance for the appetizers that I ate.

Saturday my mind was in the same place. However, it would be a lie if I said that I didn’t wake up feeling mildly guilty for food choices I made the night before, but again, I balanced with a healthy breakfast, but also something that was what I wanted and not necessarily based on point value. Dizzle and I had a very last minute change of plans in the evening that lead us to a very random and very fun night out with friends. None of it was preplanned, it all just happened. While part of me was panicked thinking ‘POINTS, POINTS, POINTS’ the other part of me was saying, ‘this is life, this is a memory, enjoy it!’ So I did.

Last night was the big kicker for my decision though. Dinner put me over by 3 points. When I went back to calculate my calorie intake for the day, 3 points over put me at 1299 calories. How is it that my day of healthy eating put me WAY under the number of calories I SHOULD eat and 3 points over the amount I am ‘supposed’ to eat? I am taking this week off from exercise, but on a typical workout day for me, I’m burning between 300 and 650 calories. 1300 calories on a day like that is not safe in my opinion!

Don’t get me wrong, WW is a great tool to use to lose weight and I would highly recommend it to anyone that is starting their weight loss journey. It’s just not right for me right now. So, what am I going to do? I’m going to continue to track calories and points for the time being. I am meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow and hopefully that will shed some light on the situation gear me in the right direction.

Thanks for those of you who are putting up with my whining, back and forth and craziness. I’ll get my poop in a group eventually. :)

Ch-Cha-Cha-Changes!

It feels so good to be halfway through the week!

Happenings since my last post…

This past weekend marked 1 year since my first race, a 10K. I had originally planned to run it again this year, but due to other plans, I decided against it. The weather was absolutely gorgeous this weekend, so I decided to skip my P90X Kenpo workout on Saturday and go for a run instead. As I was driving to my favorite, comfortable loop (which is 3 miles, but if you add any of the ‘legs’ it can be 3.5 to 3.8 miles) I started thinking about ‘trying’ to do a 10k. I knew that once I had that thought in my mind, I would not be able to talk myself out of it. 1hr and 17 seconds later, I completed an unofficial 10k, 2 minutes faster than last year. I was SO proud of myself! After running MAYBE 4 times since the half marathon in July, I still had the stamina and determination to push through and complete a 10k. I did have to stop and walk a few times, but I am okay with that. Later in the day and throughout Sunday I was a terrible, sore mess, but I LOVED it. I loved the feeling that I pushed my body; that I worked my body in a new way and pushed it.

Many people have boasted about how sore they would get while following P90X – I didn’t get that way. It was rare that I had a real good case of muscle soreness. I don’t know if that’s because I’m fit or because I didn’t push myself hard enough (which I am sure I did), but I missed that feeling. REALLLY missed that feeling. There’s nothing better than bragging rights as to how sore you are because of your workout.

I decided to stop fussing with my diet, with what *wasn’t* working, and started Weight Watchers again. I began tracking on Saturday and made Sunday my official day. It’s only been a few days, but I am feeling really positive about being back on plan. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that ratios just aren’t realistic for me. While I understand there is a ‘science’ to it, I also understand that balance is also KEY. I *KNOW* how to eat healthy and balanced. I can already tell that this time around will be different.

I am using the same ‘journal’ that I had used before and looking back at it, I was not being smart about my food choices. Yes, I was eating healthy, but I was also mowing down a bowl of cereal, a piece of toast and a fudge bar or ice cream AFTER dinner. I was purposely hoarding my points so I could snack away at night. Another pit fall was that I was hoarding all my flex points for the weekend. That means that between Friday and Saturday, I was chomping away at 81 points. That’s a lot of points to take down in the course of two days.

How am I approaching it now? I’ve divided up my flex points for the week and am giving myself a range of daily points. So far, I am feeling less restricted. Monday night for example, I had planned out my food for the day and was right on target. On a whim, bf and I ended up going out for a drink at our favorite place – insert beer, pretzels and boneless wings here. Instead of panicking and thinking that I’ve blown it, I thought to myself, “This is fine. This is life. I have points to use today and I can handle this” I didn’t overdo it on my favorite pretzel pieces and had just a taste of the boneless weeks and realized that I was satisfied. Another key here is to eat when I’m hungry. I know that my nighttime munchies are a habit and possibly due to not eating enough at dinner time. If I am truly hungry after dinner, I will eat something appropriate, not a worthless sweet treat that will leave me craving another as they almost always do.

I am feeling fantastic about being back on plan and much less stressed and obsessed about food and exercise. I really think this was the right choice for me to make, just as I think going off WW back in March was the right choice for me at the time. Doing that really helped me clean my diet up and give me a new perspective on what’s healthy and what’s not.

What are your highlights for the week so far?

What a difference 5 years (and some lbs) can make

This morning I got into some deep thoughts about why I put myself on this weight loss/fitness journey. Looking back to when I started Weight Watchers, I can’t recall a specific motivation. My Grandma had just started WW herself and offered to pay for my meetings, too. I think I had originally given her a “I’ll think about it response” and later decided to go for it, but I can’t recall any solid reason. There was no, “I should do this because____” Or “I want to do this because___” I just did it.

That was over 5 years ago. Five years ago I was overweight (and by overweight, I mean obese). Five years ago I don’t remember having this little self confidence. Five years ago I didn’t badger myself nearly every time I looked in the mirror. Five years ago I didn’t dwell on what I ate or whether or not I worked out. Five years ago, despite not fitting the media polished women’s mold, I felt sexy. I remember after the first 10-30lbs, I felt fantastic. Beautiful, sexy, unstoppable. I wasn’t worried about what my tummy looked like when I sat down. I braved a bikini like I owned it. I embraced my curves and didn’t dissect what was ‘right’ and what was wrong. I OWNED my body and I LOVED my body. I had fun in my body. So what happened between then and now?!

What am I doing to myself right now? What am I pushing myself for?

I’ve been thinking all morning about what I’m doing right now and whether or not it’s a feasible LIFESTYLE. When will I reach a point where I say, “Good job, Stacy, now you’re done and can take it easy”. Truth be told, I don’t think that I will EVER reach that point and that’s simply because I continue to fight myself day in and day out and believe that there’s some notch that I have to hit in order for my world to be peaceful.

I will have to exercise for the rest of my life, but because I want to be healthy and I want to enjoy the activity. I do not want to continue forcing myself to exercise because I feel like I have to in order to fit the mold.

I will have to ‘watch’ what I eat BECAUSE I want to be healthy. I already eat well, so I don’t know why I let this continually nag on me. So what if I had a few bites of cake – do I do that every day? Every week? Every month? NO, I DON’T! I need to evaluate what I want and if I really want it.

I’ve been rethinking this whole diet plan, too. Is it practical to track my ratios? Is this something I can do forever? Is it worth it to me? I’ve been thinking A LOT about going back on Weight Watchers, but some of my concerns were that it’s not enough calories for my activity level, the foods I eat now are ‘clean’ and a little more calorie dense than some of the cheats I used to have before and if going back on the plan would take me back to a heavy carb and low fat and protein diet.

I assume that WW is designed to fit the mold of most people and most people aren’t training for races or doing P90X. They are exercising moderately a few days a week. However, they did account for those working on more intensely, more regularly, by adding activity points. When I was on the plan before, I NEVER ate my APs on the same day I earned them. I was a point hoarder for the weekend. (Perhaps this was the problem…?)

Do I really want to be a slave to any sort of ‘diet’? Whether I’m tracking ratios or points, do I really want to spend my life doing that? Food should be ENJOYABLE especially since we have to eat to survive. I understand that I need to be cautious of what I eat, but to the point of how many points it is or what it’s ratios are?

I started this post feeling pro-“back on WW today!” and now I’m rethinking that entirely. Everything that I’ve ate so far today has been ‘clean’ (minus the Zone bar) and I’m already 19 out of 23 points in. That means with an estimated 4aps, I’m looking at 7 points to cover dinner and an afternoon snack. And per my calorie counter, 19 points is a measly 900 calories. So…each point is an average of 47 calories. I just don’t know if going back on WW is going to be the ‘smartest’ thing for my metabolism.

And oddly enough, I’ve been a hungry hungry hippo today and NOTHING is satisfying me. Probably because all I’ve done so far today is think about what I can and cannot eat and how much I can eat. Uff-da.

What’s your motivation for being healthy and active? What’s your ‘why’? What do you think about diet plans/ratios/tracking?

HAPPY FRIDAY! Have a great weekend!

Botched by office politics

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with Thursdays. I love them because they signify the end of the week is practically here, but I dislike them because it’s also a notification that there is still another day in the work week.

Last Thursday started the same as today, minus the fact that I woke up about 10 minutes late from my usual and typical waking up late time. This morning I was looking forward to Tony’s lengthy, grueling yoga session afterwork. It’s only on the docket 3 more times and for the past few weeks, I have not been following along with the video, but have been going through the routine on my own. Good or bad, verdict is still out. On one hand I feel like I’m a cop out for not doing the video, but on the other, I’m doing it in a way that’s more enjoyable. Today though, I’m going to follow the video and will try not to skip anything. Although the last time I attempted crane I did a summersault into my dresser and now that I’ve made my loft into a gym/office, I don’t know that I want to tango with the staircase railings.

Notice how I said, “I was looking forward…”. Since I started this post, my plans have been botched and instead of a beautiful yoga session, I will be rushing home to tend to the pups and then heading back to work for a banquet. As of yesterday, I decided that I did not want to leave the dogs kenneled all day and then some more in order to go to this shin dig, but throughout today, my guilt has leaned towards not going to the banquet. Guilt is such a bitch.

So yoga will have to be moved to another day. I’m not sure if I can squeeze it in after I get home tonight as I have way too much housework that is the source of stress that I MUST get rid of.

What do you love or dislike about Thursdays?

Ratio, oh ratio, where for art thou my ratio?

Happy hump day!

Hope you all had a fantastic weekend and a great start to the week! Mine was filled with lots of long overdue girl time. One of my besties spent the weekend with me and upon her departure, I got to spend some quality time with some lovely ladies in Nate’s family.

A few weeks ago, I started tracking ratios a little more closely as suggested by a Beachbody Coach. Since I’m doing P90X, my calorie goal is 2000-2499. He suggested that I try and hit 50% protein, 30% carbs and 20% fat. He also suggested that I watch my sodium intake and keep it at 2400mg/day. I’d been an occasional Sparkpeople tracker, but since I’ve been taking a whack at my diet this way, I’ve been using it all the time.

Trying to eat enough is just as hard, if not harder, than trying to eat exactly what you want and how much you want on Weight Watchers. It’s especially hard to hit the calories and ratios just right, and sodium…oh sodium…you sure are sneaky. I have never paid attention to sodium, especially since I barely ever use any extra salt except for sprinkle here or there. I went back a few months ago on Sparkpeople to see what my sodium intake on those days was and holy moly, talk about sodium overload. And this was even when I was eating clear and not eating processed foods!

In terms of calories, I was usually sticking between 1500-1800 per day, which I thought was enough, especially since I’m still trying to lose a few lbs. BUT, I am beginning to think that’s not quite the case.

I’m still trying to work out the kinks and find the best way to get to at least 2000 calories a day, but it’s really tough! I’ve been throwing in an extra protein shake on my way out the door in the morning, but at the end of the day, I’m still 100-200 calories away from where I ‘should’ be with 3 meals and 2-3 snacks throughout the day.

I’m nearing the end of P90X, so I am sure I will need to reevaluate my diet again after that. This ratio seems to be ‘working’ as I don’t feel nearly as puffy as I was feeling before. Let's cross our fingers that I can banish this pesky body fat that I'm trying to squash.