Dream wedding...?

For inquiring minds, I bailed on the detox. And by that I mean I CHOSE to end it early. Life needed to relax and I needed to cut ties with the strict rules. I'd be lying if I said I had not/am not struggling a tinge to stay on the yellow brick road of Paleoness. Life happens, right?

Moving right along...

I'm going to change the tone a bit and talk about WEDDINGS!!!

For those of you not aware, I am going to be a MRS. in just 5 months minus 1 day. I can't freaking believe it!!! Where has time went?!?!?!

In preparation for an afternoon of coffee consumption and laziness, I was pulling out some magazines to entertain me.  In the same area were two wedding magazines and The Bride's Essential Wedding Planner Deluxe Edition (aka - Giant Binder that would supposedly instruct one on how to plan a wedding).

FACT: I've paged through each, but I haven't read or taken away squat from either.

I haven't been to many weddings, nor have I been directly involved in a wedding in any way shape or form. Against the cliche of "every little girl dreams of what her wedding will be like", I didn't spend any of my free time dreaming about dresses, centerpieces and 16 piece invitations with a dove that flew out into your face when you opened it.

But, here I am, 5 months out from my wedding and I still don't have those specific visions. All I see is Mr. Soul Mate with me on that day and nothing else really matters. I'm marrying him. I am going to marry my Mr. and be his Mrs. Does anything else really matter?

Maybe if money was infinite for us, I'd feel differently, but even when I think outside our budget, all the glitz and glamor and excessive spending doesn't appeal to me. Well, except for maybe some fancy uplighting. That stuff is super sweet and looks amazing in pictures.

But on October 19th, and the day after, and the week after that and the years after that.... what will matter? The save the dates and invitations that we spent hundreds of dollars on that just got thrown away? The 20 vases we had to buy for the 20 centerpieces that we spent four figures on? The draping that we spent four figures on? The favors that we spent a a couple hundred dollars on that our guests will either throw away, misplace or just plain leave at the venue?

All that stuff won't make our day any more amazing.

I don't know how to plan a wedding the 'right' way and neither does Nate, but we are excited to be planning OUR wedding. OUR celebration. I could care less about the traditional rules and regulations for Wedding game play. I just want to marry this guy!

For 'not knowing' what we are doing, I think our day is going to be pretty kick ass! We spent our money on the important things - venue, photographer, DJ and honeymoon - and we're pinching pennies in all the other areas. We did a lot of work in planning the big pieces early on and have a lot done, we're just patiently waiting for the gates to open and all the small details to trickle in.

I can't freaking wait though!

What is one thing you wish you had done differently with your wedding?
What's one MUST that you have in mind for yours?

The Detox

I love my CF box.  We have this awesome community that supports and rallies each other on. On the Monday that occurred 12 days ago I was venting about how much trouble I was having kicking the sugar (...Snickers Ice Cream Cones...) and asked if anyone was up for a little detox/diet clean up with me. In my mind I was thinking a weeks worth of clean eats just to get back on track, but before I knew it, I was agreeing to the Balanced Bites 21 Day Sugar Detox. 

21 days of clean eating. No grains (was already following that), no fruit (already said byebye), no added sugars, real or fake, (eh.. not so much) and also no dairy (hasn't happened quite yet), no alcohol (verdict is still out).

The first few days (and by days I mean hours) I was excited. Wooowhooo! Clean eating, feeling good, de-bloating...yippie! But then around Thursday I was like, "Oh.... No cocktails tonight? Or Friday? Or Saturday?" I was grumpy for awhile... and then through the weekend...and then through the week.

I am definitely not a weeknight drinker. It feels out of place, unearned, and unhealthy to me. Who knows why, but I feel like cocktail time is reserved specifically for the weekend, most especially Saturday evening. BUT...this week has been ridiculously, stupidly, annoyingly stressful. I have been on edge and anxious all day long each day this week. Last night was especially awful and I didn't know if I wanted to cry, scream or blow something up.

I've been waiting for news all week and I expected for it to arrive yesterday...it did not. I'm mentally exhausted from waiting. I'm exhausted from being anxious and antsy. I'd been mentally plotting about celebrating or sulking yesterday. Enjoying a cocktail in celebration or eating my feelings in sadness. YES... I was planning to blow the detox.

After a week full of this waiting game, I was in rough shape. Cranky, crabby, out right unreasonable. I'm lucky I'm still engaged.

For awhile I was certain that the right thing to do would be to have a cocktail anyways.
Stacy: "Who cares, you're going to blow it when you find out anyways, why not have one now?"
Stacy:"Yeah, why not?!"
Stacy: "Well, you haven't ate since noonish and it's 7 now, so you better wait until you eat and then have a drink."
Stacy: "Wooowhoo!!! Cocktail time!"

After Stacy and I talked it out, we decided that it wasn't worth it. Blowing the 21 day gig was just going to upset me MORE, especially since I am over half way through now. And that silly cocktail wasn't going to do anything for me anyways. I'll still be anxiously waiting for news until it comes.

So. Here I am. 9 days left. Clean from the inside out. I do feel good and I am glad I'm doing this. I just wish I picked a better time to do it. Stress about eating + a generally stressful stint for the time being do not add up quite right for me.

How do you deal with anxiousness and crazy moods? Ladies...I know you've all been there, so don't hold out on me!

Sugar Monster

I’ve been following a CrossFit workout regimine and a Paleo diet for about a year now. I’ve made forward progress since I started and one of my main goals has been to shed body fat. One would think that after a year or so, things would fall into place but while I’ve shed the inches, I know I haven’t quite banished as much body fat as I’d like to. With my wedding coming up in a mere 6 months (EEEEK), I need to get serious if I want a body fat reduced bod in my wedding dress and my honeymoon bikini!

Since I started this CF/Paleo lifestyle, I have tracked my weight and measurements and every few months I get my body fat tested at the same place, usually by the same person. Over the last few months, my weight has been kinda crazy up and down, but my measurements continue to get smaller. But, the stubborn body fat hasn’t nudged much. Since February of 2011, I’ve only dropped it by 1.5%. Serious feat, yes, but to me it just seems like it should be lower.

In regards to my weight fluctuating, the one thing I have noticed is that whenever I have cut fruit out of my diet, I have lost weight. Losing weight = reduced body fat, right? Insert operation nix fruits and nuts and ease up on the happy hours.

I started this on March 26th and aside from my decision to celebrate Nate’s birthday with a week full of treats, it’s going well! It’s really not that big of a deal until I make it a big deal. Some of you might be thinking that I’m being rediculous for cutting out such a healthy group of foods. You might also be thinking that no one ever got FAT from eating too much fruit. Well, I never got skinny from eating a bunch of fruit either.

The more sugar I get, the more I crave it and it doesn’t really matter what form it’s in. Starchy ‘good’ carbs, starchy bad ‘carbs’, fruit, ice cream, Paleo baked yummies, Standard American Diet baked yummies… sugar is sugar is sugar!

Within the first two weeks, I dropped down to a happier weight. I noticed less bloat in the tummy, felt less bogged down, felt a little more alert, a little less sensitive, and a little less likely to change my mood with the flip of a switch.

During my sugar happy week last week, I felt uneasy, stressed, mood was much more unstable and even into this week, I’m still feeling the same way. Granted there may be some other factors playing into this (gloomy weather, being a woman, bills due, etc.) I think too much sugar in my life definitely aggitates my moods and hinders me from being cool, calm and collected. And from being a skinny beotch.

Atleast for now, I think this is something that I need to stick with. If I genuinely FEEL better on a consistent basis without sugars of any sort, then it outweighs the delicious taste of a banana with almond butter, right…?

Life A.M. (after marathon)

Three weeks ago, I was pounding the pavement in the Sunday sunshine and heat. By this time I was probably already wondering why in the hell I ever decided to run a marathon. I was also probably thinking that the idea of a marathon was effing crazy and wondering why my sane brain thought it would be a fun thing to check off the list.

Well, I definitely checked it off the list and the only running I have done since then has been a little running here and there during my Cross Fit workouts.

I am in a better spot than I was before, recognizing that regardless of my time, I accomplished my goal of finishing a marathon. I did something that some people would never dream of doing and something that some people can only dream of doing. And at this point in time, I wouldn't put it past myself to do another one again, eventually...

So what's life like for Stacy, A.M.? Crossfit, Paleo, living.

I am slowing getting my stamina and strength back at Crossfit. It's a little frustrating to go form hitting PRs to lifting 20-30lbs left and having that feel incredibly heavy, but it's coming back. My workouts this week have been great and Wednesday's and Saturday's WODs really made me feel like I'm getting back to where I was.

Paleo. I was definitely off the wagon during the last few months of marathon training. I've been able to keep myself off the grains, but it was the sugar that I was going bonkers over. Fruit, ICE CREAM, potato chips, creamer in my coffee... SUGAR... I was taking the 80/20 rule to a daily basis instead of overall. The week after the marathon, nothing was off limits though. There was pasta post marathon, Subway, Chipotle burrito bowl (WITH RICE), and of course, more ice cream.

As of the 13th, I started another 30 day Paleo challenge and so far so good. It's always impressive how much BETTER I feel in all aspects of my life when I get back to eating this way. This is really just forcing me to cut out the ice cream, the sugar, the late night eating, the excuses. Even on the first day I noticed differences. I FINALLY slept really well and I haven't been able to say that in a long time. My body is looking better, I am consistently sleeping better, I am performing better. Aside from some general grogginess (not sure if that's due to post marathon fatigue and/or diet change and/or Crossfit), I have really been feeling great. A few days after the 30th day, I will be parading around in my swimsuit for the day at a water park. If that's not motivation to keep my ass on track with Paleo, I don't know what is.

When the 30 days is over, the new challenge will be finding a livable balance with my diet. Isn't that always the struggle? To get on the wagon and STAY on the wagon? I definitely think one of the keys to success will be keeping trigger foods (sugar/ice cream) OUT of the house. If I want ice cream, it's going to be special and it's going to come from somewhere and it's going to be gone in one serving.

I also need to work on changing my mindset about 'treats'. I don't deserve to feel like crap from eating junk food because I worked hard in the gym or had a bad day. How many of us are given that excuse or use that excuse? If I worked hard in the gym or had a bad day, don't I deserve something that is going to NOURISH my body, improve my mind/body, make me feel great? Chocolate and ice cream might give me that euphoria, but if I overdo it, I'll just end up with gut rot and guilt.

How do you stay on track? What's your viewpoint on food treats?

Lessons in running a marathon

I wrote this Thursday of last week, but couldn't decide if I wanted to post it or not... and today I decided I did. More to come later on how I am feeling now. :)

June 9th, 2011:
I feel like running half marathons, full marathons and just running in general has become the new fad. It seems like you aren't exercising and you certainly aren't fit if you aren't running all week long.


Running used to be my staple exercise. I remember running daily during college, especially during the summer. Even after college, running was on the exercise agenda on a regular basis, mixed in with exercise videos and cross training at the gym. Running was never for distance, it was just for time, just for fun, just for exercise, just to get moving. Pace didn't matter, route didn't matter. I just ran because I enjoyed it.


But since I started Cross Fit in December, I haven't missed running. AT ALL. So what in the hell gave me the itch to run a marathon?


I honestly don't know.


I feel like everyone I know and their aunt, uncle and second cousin was on this running bandwagon. And not just that, but the marathon bandwagon, too.


My first taste of running races was a 10k with a girlfriend. I remember at the time thinking, "...6 miles?!" and it felt like a really big deal. Towards the end of that race, my girlfriend turned to me and said, "you know that we're going to have to do something bigger after this, right? Like a half marathon?" I laughed it off thinking it will never happen. That was fall of 2009.


Flash forward to spring of 2010 and we were picking out the race, the half marathon to run that summer. We trained, we wondering why we were doing it, we ran the race in the sticks of Minnesota and joked that we would do it again when we were older, with kids, just to prove we still had it. But at this point it time, I had it with running. I was done running because I HAD to.


October comes around and I'm asked to step in for someone else that can't race. At that point, I hadn't trained, RAN, at all. But, I did it. And I liked it. It was such a rush to realize that my body was capable of doing something like that without following an exact training plan nor a training plan at all.


I don't know where it came from, why it came or why I listened to it, but I decided that my Cross Fit goal for 2011 would be to run a marathon. And I wrote it on the board to solidify it.


Now here I am, 4 days post marathon.


I did it. I ran 26.2 miles. I trained for 16 weeks. I experienced over-training and a funky ankle which I tried to remedy by new shoes, different shoes and a newer pair of my old running shoes.


4 days post marathon and I'm not sore at all. The only remnants of the race are a big blister on my big toe and some pretty rough looking ring finger toe nails that I think might fall off.


I should feel proud, elated, ecstatic, right?! Well I don't. Not anymore. I did on Sunday, but I've had a bit of a black cloud hanging over me since Monday evening. I'm not giving myself the love and kudos that I should for doing something insane. Let's be real, running 26.2 miles IS insane.


My black cloud is time. My original goal was to finish in 4:30-4:45. Since I could run a 2:15 half, why couldn't I work to finish a full in twice that amount of time? A few weeks into training, I over trained and started REALLY stressing myself out about my goal time. So, I took it off. I said my goal was to FINISH a marathon. But, in the back of my mind there was a "sub 5 hour" clause in small print.


Well, as far as I know, running a marathon doesn't always create a perfect storm in your favor. I finished in 5:13-5:17 (I can't figure out which is right) And on Sunday, I reached a point where I didn't care about time. I was struggling, I wanted to cry. I couldn't run any faster than I could speed walk and I finally said screw it. I didn't want my marathon memory to be that of me being upset, crying, feeling defeated and completely frustration. I pulled out my headphones and decided to enjoy myself. Take in everything that was around me. The sighs, the sounds, the energy. I was going to speed walk my ass off, run if I could, and ENJOY myself. I did just that. And finished in 5:17.


Now though... I regret. I regret not pushing myself harder. Making myself go faster. But where would that have gotten me? Just like I'll never know the answer to that, I'll also never know whether or not I would have gotten my sub 5hr time or if I would have enjoyed myself anymore. I also don't know that if I got that sub 5 time that I wouldn't be regretting that I didn't push for 430-445.


I shouldn't let those 18 minutes overshadow my experience though.


I wasn't nearly as nervous as I expected I would be. I was fairly cool, calm and collected. When race started and we inched towards the start line, I got tears in my eyes. I was really doing it. I was really going to run a marathon. Tears of pride.


I love that I got to run the race with one of my best friends. We didn't physically run together, but we both ran the marathon and spent ample time together before and after.


I'll never forget the flood of emotions I felt when I saw my Cross Fit gang holding signs and cheering for me. I was literally in tears as I ran by them. They had signs, and cute little flags. That little act of kindness and their excitement for me really meant the world to me. I have only known these people for 6 months. SIX MONTHS! But they came out and cheered me on like family.


Seeing my boyfriend and sorority sister at multiple points after I hit my 'wall', cheering for me, bringing me whatever I needed. Nudging me along. Keeping my spirits up. More flooding emotions there.


Talking to hand fulls of people as we all fought the last 4 miles together. People that I will most likely never see again. People that I created a bond with and their face, out chat, the memory will always be etched in my mind.

Trial and success

If you’ve been following my blog you are familiar with the ups and downs that I have had in regards to diet and exercise. In 2010 I was all over the place… (this is lengthy, but I’m working to make a point!)

I was still hanging on to Weight Watchers January-March, but totally cheating the system. I’d eat low point, non-filling, blah food in order to hoard my points for treats and splurges. I was frustrated with how I was feeling, frustrated that I wasn’t seeing changes, and still killing myself at the gym.

March I ditched WW and went for a different approach – The Rosedale Diet. I saw results and felt great! My clothes were finally fitting better and my confidence was building, HOWEVER, my diet was not supporting my workouts. Before I could pound out an intense 1 hour cardio session, but was now struggling to crank out 20-30 minutes.

Late March/April I began my half marathon training. Throughout my training, I incorporated a serving of carbs here and there, but ultimately, and in addition to too many things going on, I was off the diet bandwagon. April through July I stayed consistent with my training, but again, my diet just wasn’t there. I was allowing myself to eat what I wanted (which was okay!) but I was really overestimating/disregarding what my body actually needed for fuel.

After the half marathon in July, I let myself rest and worked on learning to listen to my body and do what I felt like doing. That didn’t last long and I started P90X at the end of July. I loved it at first, but after awhile I just felt frustrated that I wasn’t seeing results. I attempted to follow their diet plan, but it just wasn’t working for me. I finished out P90X in October with nothing to show. My pants weren’t fitting, I didn’t feel healthy or great, and my confidence was at an all time low. This was NOT how, physically and emotionally, I wanted to be.

Turning point - October 30th - I ran another half marathon. Totally unplanned and last minute decision. I ran it with ease and no problems at all. Running that race honestly made me realize that I am strong and able. I openly declared that I, from that moment on, had no grounds to talk poorly about myself any longer. If I could run a half marathon without training, my body deserved only good praise from there on out.

November started out with following the exercise plan that I received at a personal training session at the end of October and then my first Cross Fit session 1st CF session . I did two other free CF workouts, talked a lot about the Paleo diet with the trainer and on December 1st I dove in. And I haven’t looked back…

Choosing to ditch what I was previously doing and follow the CF/Paleo lifestyle was by far the best decision I made for myself. It has improved nearly all aspects of my life; I am more confident, I feel sexy, and I am loving myself. I no longer look in the mirror and notice what I don’t like about my body. I am proud of what I see because of what I can do. I slaved away at P90X and finished still not being able to curl a 25lb dumbbell without writhing, jumping and finally using my other arm to help. After about 3 weeks of Cross Fit, I could complete one rep with ease, not to mention the multitude of ability that I have discovered within myself.

A lot of times we are afraid to take a different route or try something new. We look at the negative what ifs and vision the newness as jumping across a canyon; we either land comfortably on the other side or tumble in failure. If what you are doing is not getting you the results you want, not fueling your happiness and feelings of worth, and draining you, then it’s time to try something new. Evaluate what you are doing and when it comes to fitness this means DIET and EXERCISE. Evaluate everything and be honest with yourself! Track what you eat (maybe even when and WHY) for a week and evaluate. How much food is natural and real? Did you eat when you weren’t hungry? Be honest! What’s the point in lying to yourself if you want results? How were your workouts? Were you bored? Did you enjoy it? How did you feel after? From here, reevaluate your plan for the next week. Make small changes.

If you aren’t feeling your workouts, do what you want to do! Walk, rest, stretch, yoga, meditate, take a bath…whatever! If you are keeping your diet in check, your rest/free days are not going to hinder you. Our bodies are a reflection of what we eat, inside and out! It’s all about creating a lifestyle that works for you and makes you feel 110%!

Life is too short to spend it unhappy, especially when it comes to doing something for your health. I love not spending hours in the gym anymore. I am much more satisfied kicking my ass for 5-20 minutes, 4-5 days a week than I was doing cardio for 6+ hours a week. One way isn’t necessarily the end all be all and I am sure that there will be tweaking and altering for me at different points, but this is the lifestyle that is working for me RIGHT NOW and it’s all about trial and error.

What’s a change in your lifestyle that you made and are glad you did?

Why here but not there, there and there?

There have been multiple times that I have attempted to write up a new post, but get lost in my thoughts, can’t figure out how to say what I want to say or specifically what I want to say and then give up.

I’m often told that I have an incredible amount of self discipline and determination and while I would agree, this aspect of my personality is only evident in certain aspects of my life. There are many things on my plate right now that deserve this sort of attention, but I am struggling to give it. Diet and exercise are near top priority in my life and something that receives attention every single day.

Please note that when I say they are near top priority and receive attention every day, it is NOT in the same way or to the same magnitude as it had been before. Prior to Cross Fit and Paleo, it was an incredibly anxious and worried kind of attention. Constant thought, constant worry. Now, it’s entirely positive. I don’t worry about what I can and cannot eat. I know now what foods make me feel and perform best and choose to eat those. It’s not worrying about what’s the right thing to put in m body and the connotation of the wrong things on the flip side. With exercise, it’s not a guessing game. My workouts are decided for me and all I need to do is show up and give it all I have. I just do it and know that it’s working.

From the outside, you might think, “if she’s got this together, she’s got the rest together, too!” Not so much…

Unless the floor is a hamper, I don’t put my dirty clothes in the hamper.

You should see my closet right now. In an attempt to de-clutter, I’ve just cluttered my closet with a giant bin of clothes that need to be donated along with piles of ‘keep?’ and ‘I might want this for…’

Money management…while it’s not as bad as it could be, it’s certainly not the level of budgeting and discipline I feel it should be. I like to blame it on Christmas and Xcel energy, but it might be me. In my own defense however, I am pushing myself to use a budgeted cash envelope system. I have envelopes for everything other than bills – groceries and dog food. Gas still comes from the debit card, just because that is easiest and because I don’t go around buying gas like it’s going out of style. I first attempted this with January, but that blew up in my face due to a strong need to bake (more about that later). But, February is looking to be on track.

So in all the above instances, why can’t I apply my determination and diligence to these tasks? Why is it so much easier for me to left these things unfinished and a little sloppy?

Do any of you experience the same in aspects of your life?