New year, new me

As mentioned in my previous post, December DID fly by. Every early November, I eagerly anticipate the holiday season, but every year it's over before I know it and I feel like I didn't take enough time to enjoy it fully.

So what's new in my life you ask? Well...

I bit the bullet and made the decision to do something FOR ME. I signed up for a membership at Cross Fit City of Lakes. I wasn't getting the results I wanted with my diet plan and personal training program (nor was I all that enthused about it). I have been going at least 3x a week, but trying/aiming for 4. Being this is something I am paying for, I wanted to do it right – the whole shebang. With that being said, I am also following the recommended Paleo diet – ie – no grains, dairy, grains, processed foods or alcohol. My carbohydrate intake is coming from mostly vegetables, nuts and seeds and a little fruit. I fill up on healthy fats and proteins.

I know, I know… I’m on a “bandwagon” again. But, the more I talk to my trainer and the more I read about it, the more it made sense to me and the way I want to treat my body. I ‘officially’ started on December 1st and I have been feeling pretty great. I am loving the workouts and the diet. I am not feeling deprived, not having any terrible cravings either. The only time I crave grain carbs is when I have waitied too long to eat.

My clothes are fitting better, my confidence is gaining, and I am feeling stronger. I love how I leave every workout with nothing left to give - I push myself to the limit in every workout. I cannot say enough good things about CrossFit. Seriously ladies... I haven't felt this good about myself, this strong, this confident in a LONG time.

I am also working on keeping my mind open in regards to the diet - this is LIFE. Not a judgement on how strict I keep my Paleo diet. I do have a little dairy here and there, which I am trying to cut out as I have reason to believe that it negatively affects my skin (reintroduction to dairy after a week off = hellllooooo massive breakout!). I also allowed myself to indulge over the holidays, but am back on track now. I will give myself a cheat day/meal if I feel it is necessary or if there is a special event.

Nine days in to 2011 and things are looking up.

What are you looking forward to this year? Any new years resolutions?

Traditions

December is certainly going to fly by, I just know it. Today is only December 4th, but before we know it, it'll be New Years Eve.

I have yet to decorate the house and am totally in a mood to go balls to the walls crazy and totally deck the halls. But when I think about all the trinkets I want, I realize that it'd be a waste of money to buy them all now at full price. I could EASILY spend over $100 on cute snowmen, santas, penguins, trees and lights, but is that really practical when I'm already on a tight budget? Not so much. What I really need are some elementary kids making me construction paper chain decorations and popcorn garland.

The last two years though, I've always been at Target the days after Christmas and always talk myself out of buying the ridiculously discounted Christmas trinkets. This year my inner Chrimstas-ista will give in and BUY BUY BUY!

I am loving all the holiday shows that are on TV now. On Tuesday night, I was highly disappointed that Biggest Loser wasn't on until 8, but my night did a 180 when I realized that the Grinch (the cartoon version) was on instead. I LOVE the Grinch. It's hands down my FAVORITE Christmas cartoon. Next on the list is Mickey's Christmas Carol, followed by the Frosty saga.

Mickey's Christmas Carol brings back so many warming and loving memories with my family. We would ALWAYS watch it together every year and we were all so excited about it. Last year, because of the crummy weather that came through MN the day before Christmas Eve, I wasn't able to spend Christmas with my family. I was so upset. I had spent most of the day at work checking the weather (crossing my fingers for a miracle) and talking on the phone with my Dad getting weather updates. Coming to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be spending Christmas with my family was hard to swallow. I had to babysit that night, had a white knuckle hour drive to my house that night, and let it sink in that the drive to SD wasn't going to happen.

When I got home, I walked into a candle lit house, Kenny G Christmas music playing (my favorite), and my hunny sitting at our center island with two homemade ice cream sundaes for us. He was so sympathetic, so sweet, and took the time to go out in the crappy weather to buy me my favorites - the Kenny G CD, my favorite winter scented candle, and ice cream. Later that night we watched Mickey's Christmas Carol and of course I balled.

We spent Christmas with Nate's family and eventually made it to my family two days after Christmas. I am so thankful for how welcoming and caring his family was that year and continues to be. The whole experience really made me realize that it's not about the date, it's about the celebration and time with the people you spend it with.

Alright, enough sap for the day...

I have a feeling that today is going to slip away from me. I'd really like to go get a Christmas tree today, maybe some cheap decorations, return some stuff, yoga my body up and we've reserved Eclipse on RedBox.

What are your favorite Christmas shows and movies? What ever happened to the Garfield Christmas show? I loved that one.

Favorite Christmas song?

Favorite Holiday tradition?

Have a great weekend! For those of you in MN... enjoy the beautiful snow!

Holiday time must be different

I can't believe that Thanksgiving came and went. I mean, seriously, how did the last three days just fly by.

Monday was also my Friday, my only day in the office this week. I took Tuesday off to prep for the family arriving on Wednesday and took off Wednesday to spend time with the family. They left late this morning and now that my house is strangely quiet and empty, I can't help but feel a little lost and sad. And, I am scratching my head trying to figure out how time can go by so damn fast.

The first Nate and Stacy hosted Thanksgiving was a complete success! The only losses of the day were 1. the egg that I cracked right into the garbage disposal instead of in the bowl and 2. the herb mix that Nate shot all over himself and the floor via the 'flavor injector' instead of in the turkey. We didn't have as many guests as had expected, which means that we have enough leftovers gain all our holiday weight this week.

I have always helped my mom prepare the Thanksgiving day meal, but I have never done this all on my own. It takes a lot of planning and coordinating to get everything ready on time, but regardless, not everything is piping hot. And then, after cooking a preparing all day and making sure that everything is right and ready and near perfect, you sit down to eat and 20 minutes later, the climax of the day is over. Poof. Hours of cooking for 20 minutes of eating. How does that work?! How long do your family meals last? AND.. is dessert served immediately after dinner?

With the family here and being off work, I haven't been to the gym since last Saturday. Not going to lie, I am feeling a little anxious about it, but I have continued to remind myself that it is okay. And it's also reminded me to keep my food choices in check.

Though it didn't get my heart racing, I was on my feet plenty Monday, Tuesday and yesterday. Wednesday I cranked out a rousing 30 minutes to Level 1 30 Day Shred (um.. hard!). Today I am really feeling like some Jillian Yoga, so I think I will honor that. I honestly am not feeling like anything crazy intense, but I am feeling like *something*.

If you went Black Friday shopping, did you snag anything good? Have any interesting stories to share?

Go big or go home

Long overdue, but better late than never, right?

After being able to run a half marathon without actually training for it, one would think they are in really good shape. And maybe I am, but the Cross Fit session was INTENSE and I loved every minute of it.

I started out with 3 rounds of 10 squats, 10 pushups and 10 modified pull ups using gymnast rings. Then I got into the real workout which was 3 rounds of 15 kettle ball swings, 12 box jumps and 10 squat wall throws.

Sounds simple enough on paper, but the point of the workout is to perform these moves in the shortest amount of time possible, but in proper and correct form. Even after the warm up I was tuckering out and during the workout itself I was DRIPPING sweat and needing to stop and catch my breath.

I’ve done one additional Cross Fit workout and plan on going again this Saturday. Every workout is different. The last time I went it was 3 rounds of overhead barbell squats, knees to elbows and double unders. First set was 21 reps each, 2nd set 15 each and final set 9 each. Even with just the two workouts, I feel stronger and more confident.

I just love the mentality associated with it. PUSH youself HARD and get through the workout in the best form with the best time. Race yourself. Show yourself up. GO BIG OR GO HOME.

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Love it, love it, love it.


Moving on…

I’m hosting my family for Thanksgiving this year and both me and Nate and super excited! We have a 20lb bird chilling in the freezer. My mom flipped her lid that we had a 20lb turkey. Now… maybe 20lbs is excessive, but (again) go big or go home, right?! And it’s my first Thanksgiving as a hostess. Might as well make it memorable with an oversized bird!

I still have some menu planning and some shopping to do. I am planning for all the basics – potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce (from a can of course), some sort of roll or bread, a vegetables and gravy – but I haven’t yet identified a dessert. Mr. Difficult is not into pumpkin/cinnamon stuff, so the traditional pies are out. I may go a brownie cheesecake route with some sort of fruit sauce. I will be sure to keep you all posted. Any maybe I will even get crafty and get some pictures on this boring blog!

I go through phases where I don’t feel like putting any energy into cooking. I’d much rather fill a bowl with spinach, romaine, open a can of chicken or tuna and call it a meal. If I don’t feel like that, I feel like scrambling two eggs, two whites making an omelet and toasting a piece of bread. Today/tonight is no exception. I am being forced to make potato cheese soup tonight. This meal was on the menu planner the last time I was planning meals (probably sometime in October…) and the damned half and half is barking at me since it’s time is up in the next few days. I don’t even want soup at this moment in time, but I seriously hate wasting food. It’ll make for good leftovers, right? However, on the flip side, I feel my domestic blood pumping and have a serious urge to bake my weekend away.

I really want to bake some sort of scone or muffin. JUMBO muffins or JUMBO scones. I hate wasting time with the dinky ones. Give me JUMBO ones that I can feel naughty about. Again once more, go big or go home, right? Any suggestions?

What are you all doing for Thanksgiving?

What words do you always spell incorrectly? Omelet, definitely pursue are always troublesome for me. Maybe I should invest in some flashcards.

Tree pose

I think we should work on creating a 3 day work week and a 4 day weekend. What do you think morale would be like then?! Sunday night, around 9, I am never excited for Monday and am always wishing for at least one more day. Funny how all my wishing has never actually worked. I should channel my wishing energy into something more productive.

My hunny is back home from his hunting excursion and is activity participating in National Beard Month. He’s the kind of guy that can wear it and not look ridiculous or goofy; it actually fits. It’s past the ‘sandpaper on my face’ point and is now quite soft. I give him a few days before he decides he can’t take it anymore. Sounds like me and my legs…

For those of you loyal readers, this past month or so I’ve been struggling with finding MY diet and exercise balance in life. I am happy to report that I am really beginning to feel at peace with it all. Let’s back track to the end of October.

My house was broken into and that completely killed my appetite (as in I didn’t eat much for a few days). A combination of the stress and not eating brought forth the evil stepmom version of the cold I was fighting. I eventually went to the doctor and was put on some antibiotics, but before my appetite had a chance, the antibiotics squashed it. So…after the 10 day antibiotic stint was up, the cold was dead and my appetite was coming back. During this time, I really was in tune with what I wanted to eat, what my body was craving, when to eat and when to stop. Unfortunately that didn’t include the $5.00, 3lb bag of organic spinach I had just bought at Costco prior to the madness (it didn’t last). During this time, I knew I wasn’t fueling my body properly what-so-ever. I also knew that I needed to honor and respect my body/mind in what it was going through, so I chose to take rest days. In the fear that all hell would break lose if I didn’t work out and follow a workout plan, I didn’t overeat and my pants still fit. Who knew?!

Part 1 – Diet
I know that my body responds well to a lower carb diet and that is what I plan on sticking to. HOWEVER, there are no ‘rules’ to this. It’s a guideline. In March of this year, I tried the Rosedale Diet (not associated with the Rosedale Mall for you MN readers ;) ) and had good results, felt much less bloated and puffy and felt healthy while on it. But because I saw it strictly as what I can and cannot have, I veered off of it. If you’re interested in reading about it, check it out at drrosedale.com. My plan is to stick to allow one serving of carbs a day in the form of pasta/rice/bread/oatmeal IF I want it. I’m not counting carbs from veggies, nuts, etc. And the remainder of my diet is from veggies, lean proteins, and healthy fats (avocado anyone? Yes, please!). I’m going to track calories to ensure that I am getting in at least 1800 a day as recommended by the personal trainer that I saw.

Part 2 – Exercise I met with a personal trainer the day after my house was broken into. As much as I wanted to cancel, I needed it to get my mind off of things and was curious to see what she would recommend. I LOVED the training session. The moves she had me do were different and challenging and I felt like everything was results focused. She had me lift heavy, heavier than I tried with P90X and broke down why it’s important for most women to lift heavy for 8-10 reps rather than lift easily for 12-15+. I’ll break this down a bit later…
She provided me with a strength routine, a plyo routine, and a combination of the two. She also set up a two week schedule for me to follow which includes the previously mentioned workouts, plus specific heart rate cardio days, and active rest days. This routine was given to me amidst the chaos and as much as I was paranoid that I couldn’t NOT miss a workout and had to follow the plan to a T, I respected and honored myself, and worked out when I felt I was able and when I had ate enough and rested when I felt I needed to.

Yesterday, I had my gym bag packed to hit up the gym after work, but I decided that I felt like walking the dogs, not going to the gym – key word being FELT. And for once, I listened to myself and did what I FELT like doing. I also ate what I was craving for dinner (Mmmm… Chipotle Burrito Bowl). And I’m okay with that. I’ve been doing some positive self talk lately and it usually starts with an “It’s okay to____”. I am also reminding myself of how far I’ve come, who I am, what I am capable of, and what I have to be proud of. It’s a day by day process and that’s simply all it is. Each day I have the power to make choices that positively impact MY mind, body, and life. These are not choices that are made by anyone else’s rules or standards than my own. I am learning to trust that I know what’s right for me and that it’s not the same as what is right for anyone else.

Lifting heavy… Here goes…
Basically, most women (myself previously included) say they are afraid they will bulk up if they lift heavy. Well, it was explained to me, in a nutshell, that women don’t have enough testosterone in their bodies to actually BULK UP. If you are bulking up, you should also be noticing facial and chest hair. If you are “bulking up” your diet may be off and you are actually gaining fat (insert P90X for me and I wasn’t even lifting heavy). When you are lifting weights, you should be lifting to the point where your muscles give up and you cannot complete one more rep. You should not be at a point where your muscles just feel a little sore and a little tired. You shouldn’t be sore during your weight lifting routine, your muscles should just feel ‘dead’ for lack of a better term. Now, PLEASE, my disclaimer… take this with a grain of salt. I am impressionable to health/diet and fitness information. I suggest that you research this to obtain the further knowledge you need to determine if this is right for you or not.

Today, I am doing a free 1-on-1 session at Cross Fit and I am really excited to get more feedback on an exercise and diet plan that’s right for me. I’ll be sure to fill you all in later this week!

Struttin!

I know you all have been patiently waiting for this… THE RECAP!

As you can see by the subject line, I do not need a walker to scoot around. This is good news!

Recap - Last Monday evening, I was asked if I could potentially take the place of my boyfriend’s brother-in-law in the Monster Dash this past weekend. By Wednesday morning, it was confirmed that I would be running in his place.

Flash forward to Friday…
I was in a tizzy about the run. I was put on antibiotics earlier in the week and they were totally killing my appetite. It had not improved whatsoever. To top it off, my intolerance for milk was reconfirmed after a bowl of cereal Thursday night and a bowl of cereal Friday morning (in the name of carbo loading of course). I was in terrible, uncomfortable stomach pain off and on all day Friday. I was hoping that it would work itself out by date night time, but that was not the case. It was only made worse by my nervousness. But, I bucked up and went about date night (dinner out downtown and the T-Wolves game) and had a lovely time.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling okay, but not 100% and not bad enough to bail out. I chalked it all up to nerves and got myself ready and by 7AM I was on my way. Between 8 and 830, I felt like I was going to poop my pants (literally and figuratively) but was able to get into the porta potties in the nik of time and made it in line for the race with a few moments to spare.
SIDE NOTE – Team Ortho – if you are hosting such large events, why don’t you have more than 7 porta potties available before the start? Please advise. Thanks.

And the race you ask? Well…

2:15:55

Which means it went FAN-FRICKIN-TASTIC! I was absolutely ELATED with my results. Considering that I haven’t specifically trained for this and was able to finish only 43 seconds ‘slower’ than my first, I’m happy as a clam!

The race went incredibly smoothly. I ran 10:1’s, which is running for 10 minutes, walking for 1. Me and my girl did this for the whole race and in doing so, I never had any pain or endurance issues. I felt strong as hell! I highly recommend this practice/training to anyone! Some of you may be thinking that it will affect your pace and time, but it does not. We stayed near the 2:20 pace group and within the last mile in a half we were able to break past them with no troubles what so ever. This was the FIRST time that I have ever done 10:1’s and it seriously made a word of difference! I plan on doing this for all future training and races.

Post race I had a bit of an ephifany about myself and my body. If I can run a half marathon without training for it, I have no grounds to EVER bash myself or my body. I am sticking to this and reminding myself of it everyday. I am healthy and I am strong. I may not have the perfect body per today's standards, but it's MY body and it's capable of so many things.

Are you up for the task?

I am running a half marathon this Saturday. You may be asking yourself the same questions I am asking myself.


Have I trained? No, not really.

Am I nervous? Yes.

Can I do it? Yes.

Are you sure? Um. Kind of.

Kids, I am pooping bricks her. I haven’t been sitting on my butt since my half marathon in July, but I certainly haven’t been adding on the mileage either! The farthest I’ve ran since the half was a 10K at the beginning of the month.

I *know* that I will be fine. I *know* I can do it.

My plan of attack?

-downing and extra GU during this race. One before and four during.
-Eat before – i.e. Cliff bar, banana and protein shake.
-run 10:1’s. Run 10 minutes, walk 1 minute
-watch my pace; in my first half I was running much faster than I typically would

The forecast…
High of 54
9am – 40 degrees/feels like 35
12pm – 48 degrees/feels like 44

The attire…
Still up in the air. I know that I will be warm after the first 2 miles, so I am contemplating shorts and a t-shirt. Just the thought of running 13.2 miles in pants makes me feel hot and uncomfortable, not to mention the thought of a wet, long sleeve t-shirt sticking to my arms.

Here goes nothin... Watch for the recap next week!

Wishy-washy

Things to not stress about:

Bringing back out your ‘fat’ pants…and loving them.
My first pair of ‘skinny’ pants happens to be one of my favorite pairs, but it has since taken a roll as ‘fat’ pants. Today, I busted them out. They fit. They don’t squeeze my gut, my thighs or my ass. I feel cute in them, I feel comfortable in them, and maybe even a little sexy. Even if they are my fat pants, I don’t care. They fit. I love them. And I am not fat and the pants are just pants.

Feeling like a hungry, hungry hippo.
Last week, mid week, I had the most delicious, most filling bowls of steel cut oats for breakfast two days in a row that left me satisfied until lunch. In hopes to continue that, I had the exact same thing Friday morning, despite really wanting cheesy eggs and toast. Major fail. I was a hungry, hungry, hippo all morning and an unprepared hippo at that. I had NO snacks at work and no idea why I was starving. It went on all day.

I’ve barely started this blog and I have already made it clear that I can be a very wishy-washy, back and forth, ‘can’t make up my mind’ kind of girl.

Towards the end of last week and especially after my hungry, hungry, hippo Friday I began rethinking my choice to go back on WW. I’ve been tracking calories on the side, both eaten and burned and it just doesn’t seem to add up right. I know a deficit is necessary, but my activity+ww=grand canyon deficit.

Aside from being hungry all day Friday, I was also paranoid about Friday evening which would entail dinner out. I refrained from going into the cafeteria to buy something to eat or going to get something to eat to kill the hunger beast because I was concerned about how many points I would need/have left for dinner. When I got home, I gorged on carrots to fill the void and still ended up sending 3 points to a sandwich and leaving me little points for a dinner out. While we were on our way to the restaurant, I started thinking about all the energy I was expending worrying about points.

I know what’s good for my body. I also know what is not good for my body. We ordered appetizers and I tried to mentally track one point for each waffle fry I ate, keep track of how many chips and salsa I ate, guestimate how many points a wing was, and determine how many pieces of flatbread there were without pulling them all apart from eachother. As the night continued, I realized that I didn’t stuff myself with the appetizers. I didn’t hoard them to myself. I wasn’t full beyond full. I realized that I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was eating. I ate it because I enjoyed it. I ate it until I was content, until I realized that the next bite wouldn’t taste any better than the first, second, third, etc., and that I was satisfied.

A few hours later we ordered dinner. I ordered something that I would have ordered whether or not I was counting points. I ordered something that was within MY guidelines of eating. I ordered something that I rationalized as a tasty balance for the appetizers that I ate.

Saturday my mind was in the same place. However, it would be a lie if I said that I didn’t wake up feeling mildly guilty for food choices I made the night before, but again, I balanced with a healthy breakfast, but also something that was what I wanted and not necessarily based on point value. Dizzle and I had a very last minute change of plans in the evening that lead us to a very random and very fun night out with friends. None of it was preplanned, it all just happened. While part of me was panicked thinking ‘POINTS, POINTS, POINTS’ the other part of me was saying, ‘this is life, this is a memory, enjoy it!’ So I did.

Last night was the big kicker for my decision though. Dinner put me over by 3 points. When I went back to calculate my calorie intake for the day, 3 points over put me at 1299 calories. How is it that my day of healthy eating put me WAY under the number of calories I SHOULD eat and 3 points over the amount I am ‘supposed’ to eat? I am taking this week off from exercise, but on a typical workout day for me, I’m burning between 300 and 650 calories. 1300 calories on a day like that is not safe in my opinion!

Don’t get me wrong, WW is a great tool to use to lose weight and I would highly recommend it to anyone that is starting their weight loss journey. It’s just not right for me right now. So, what am I going to do? I’m going to continue to track calories and points for the time being. I am meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow and hopefully that will shed some light on the situation gear me in the right direction.

Thanks for those of you who are putting up with my whining, back and forth and craziness. I’ll get my poop in a group eventually. :)

Ch-Cha-Cha-Changes!

It feels so good to be halfway through the week!

Happenings since my last post…

This past weekend marked 1 year since my first race, a 10K. I had originally planned to run it again this year, but due to other plans, I decided against it. The weather was absolutely gorgeous this weekend, so I decided to skip my P90X Kenpo workout on Saturday and go for a run instead. As I was driving to my favorite, comfortable loop (which is 3 miles, but if you add any of the ‘legs’ it can be 3.5 to 3.8 miles) I started thinking about ‘trying’ to do a 10k. I knew that once I had that thought in my mind, I would not be able to talk myself out of it. 1hr and 17 seconds later, I completed an unofficial 10k, 2 minutes faster than last year. I was SO proud of myself! After running MAYBE 4 times since the half marathon in July, I still had the stamina and determination to push through and complete a 10k. I did have to stop and walk a few times, but I am okay with that. Later in the day and throughout Sunday I was a terrible, sore mess, but I LOVED it. I loved the feeling that I pushed my body; that I worked my body in a new way and pushed it.

Many people have boasted about how sore they would get while following P90X – I didn’t get that way. It was rare that I had a real good case of muscle soreness. I don’t know if that’s because I’m fit or because I didn’t push myself hard enough (which I am sure I did), but I missed that feeling. REALLLY missed that feeling. There’s nothing better than bragging rights as to how sore you are because of your workout.

I decided to stop fussing with my diet, with what *wasn’t* working, and started Weight Watchers again. I began tracking on Saturday and made Sunday my official day. It’s only been a few days, but I am feeling really positive about being back on plan. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that ratios just aren’t realistic for me. While I understand there is a ‘science’ to it, I also understand that balance is also KEY. I *KNOW* how to eat healthy and balanced. I can already tell that this time around will be different.

I am using the same ‘journal’ that I had used before and looking back at it, I was not being smart about my food choices. Yes, I was eating healthy, but I was also mowing down a bowl of cereal, a piece of toast and a fudge bar or ice cream AFTER dinner. I was purposely hoarding my points so I could snack away at night. Another pit fall was that I was hoarding all my flex points for the weekend. That means that between Friday and Saturday, I was chomping away at 81 points. That’s a lot of points to take down in the course of two days.

How am I approaching it now? I’ve divided up my flex points for the week and am giving myself a range of daily points. So far, I am feeling less restricted. Monday night for example, I had planned out my food for the day and was right on target. On a whim, bf and I ended up going out for a drink at our favorite place – insert beer, pretzels and boneless wings here. Instead of panicking and thinking that I’ve blown it, I thought to myself, “This is fine. This is life. I have points to use today and I can handle this” I didn’t overdo it on my favorite pretzel pieces and had just a taste of the boneless weeks and realized that I was satisfied. Another key here is to eat when I’m hungry. I know that my nighttime munchies are a habit and possibly due to not eating enough at dinner time. If I am truly hungry after dinner, I will eat something appropriate, not a worthless sweet treat that will leave me craving another as they almost always do.

I am feeling fantastic about being back on plan and much less stressed and obsessed about food and exercise. I really think this was the right choice for me to make, just as I think going off WW back in March was the right choice for me at the time. Doing that really helped me clean my diet up and give me a new perspective on what’s healthy and what’s not.

What are your highlights for the week so far?

What a difference 5 years (and some lbs) can make

This morning I got into some deep thoughts about why I put myself on this weight loss/fitness journey. Looking back to when I started Weight Watchers, I can’t recall a specific motivation. My Grandma had just started WW herself and offered to pay for my meetings, too. I think I had originally given her a “I’ll think about it response” and later decided to go for it, but I can’t recall any solid reason. There was no, “I should do this because____” Or “I want to do this because___” I just did it.

That was over 5 years ago. Five years ago I was overweight (and by overweight, I mean obese). Five years ago I don’t remember having this little self confidence. Five years ago I didn’t badger myself nearly every time I looked in the mirror. Five years ago I didn’t dwell on what I ate or whether or not I worked out. Five years ago, despite not fitting the media polished women’s mold, I felt sexy. I remember after the first 10-30lbs, I felt fantastic. Beautiful, sexy, unstoppable. I wasn’t worried about what my tummy looked like when I sat down. I braved a bikini like I owned it. I embraced my curves and didn’t dissect what was ‘right’ and what was wrong. I OWNED my body and I LOVED my body. I had fun in my body. So what happened between then and now?!

What am I doing to myself right now? What am I pushing myself for?

I’ve been thinking all morning about what I’m doing right now and whether or not it’s a feasible LIFESTYLE. When will I reach a point where I say, “Good job, Stacy, now you’re done and can take it easy”. Truth be told, I don’t think that I will EVER reach that point and that’s simply because I continue to fight myself day in and day out and believe that there’s some notch that I have to hit in order for my world to be peaceful.

I will have to exercise for the rest of my life, but because I want to be healthy and I want to enjoy the activity. I do not want to continue forcing myself to exercise because I feel like I have to in order to fit the mold.

I will have to ‘watch’ what I eat BECAUSE I want to be healthy. I already eat well, so I don’t know why I let this continually nag on me. So what if I had a few bites of cake – do I do that every day? Every week? Every month? NO, I DON’T! I need to evaluate what I want and if I really want it.

I’ve been rethinking this whole diet plan, too. Is it practical to track my ratios? Is this something I can do forever? Is it worth it to me? I’ve been thinking A LOT about going back on Weight Watchers, but some of my concerns were that it’s not enough calories for my activity level, the foods I eat now are ‘clean’ and a little more calorie dense than some of the cheats I used to have before and if going back on the plan would take me back to a heavy carb and low fat and protein diet.

I assume that WW is designed to fit the mold of most people and most people aren’t training for races or doing P90X. They are exercising moderately a few days a week. However, they did account for those working on more intensely, more regularly, by adding activity points. When I was on the plan before, I NEVER ate my APs on the same day I earned them. I was a point hoarder for the weekend. (Perhaps this was the problem…?)

Do I really want to be a slave to any sort of ‘diet’? Whether I’m tracking ratios or points, do I really want to spend my life doing that? Food should be ENJOYABLE especially since we have to eat to survive. I understand that I need to be cautious of what I eat, but to the point of how many points it is or what it’s ratios are?

I started this post feeling pro-“back on WW today!” and now I’m rethinking that entirely. Everything that I’ve ate so far today has been ‘clean’ (minus the Zone bar) and I’m already 19 out of 23 points in. That means with an estimated 4aps, I’m looking at 7 points to cover dinner and an afternoon snack. And per my calorie counter, 19 points is a measly 900 calories. So…each point is an average of 47 calories. I just don’t know if going back on WW is going to be the ‘smartest’ thing for my metabolism.

And oddly enough, I’ve been a hungry hungry hippo today and NOTHING is satisfying me. Probably because all I’ve done so far today is think about what I can and cannot eat and how much I can eat. Uff-da.

What’s your motivation for being healthy and active? What’s your ‘why’? What do you think about diet plans/ratios/tracking?

HAPPY FRIDAY! Have a great weekend!

Botched by office politics

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with Thursdays. I love them because they signify the end of the week is practically here, but I dislike them because it’s also a notification that there is still another day in the work week.

Last Thursday started the same as today, minus the fact that I woke up about 10 minutes late from my usual and typical waking up late time. This morning I was looking forward to Tony’s lengthy, grueling yoga session afterwork. It’s only on the docket 3 more times and for the past few weeks, I have not been following along with the video, but have been going through the routine on my own. Good or bad, verdict is still out. On one hand I feel like I’m a cop out for not doing the video, but on the other, I’m doing it in a way that’s more enjoyable. Today though, I’m going to follow the video and will try not to skip anything. Although the last time I attempted crane I did a summersault into my dresser and now that I’ve made my loft into a gym/office, I don’t know that I want to tango with the staircase railings.

Notice how I said, “I was looking forward…”. Since I started this post, my plans have been botched and instead of a beautiful yoga session, I will be rushing home to tend to the pups and then heading back to work for a banquet. As of yesterday, I decided that I did not want to leave the dogs kenneled all day and then some more in order to go to this shin dig, but throughout today, my guilt has leaned towards not going to the banquet. Guilt is such a bitch.

So yoga will have to be moved to another day. I’m not sure if I can squeeze it in after I get home tonight as I have way too much housework that is the source of stress that I MUST get rid of.

What do you love or dislike about Thursdays?

Ratio, oh ratio, where for art thou my ratio?

Happy hump day!

Hope you all had a fantastic weekend and a great start to the week! Mine was filled with lots of long overdue girl time. One of my besties spent the weekend with me and upon her departure, I got to spend some quality time with some lovely ladies in Nate’s family.

A few weeks ago, I started tracking ratios a little more closely as suggested by a Beachbody Coach. Since I’m doing P90X, my calorie goal is 2000-2499. He suggested that I try and hit 50% protein, 30% carbs and 20% fat. He also suggested that I watch my sodium intake and keep it at 2400mg/day. I’d been an occasional Sparkpeople tracker, but since I’ve been taking a whack at my diet this way, I’ve been using it all the time.

Trying to eat enough is just as hard, if not harder, than trying to eat exactly what you want and how much you want on Weight Watchers. It’s especially hard to hit the calories and ratios just right, and sodium…oh sodium…you sure are sneaky. I have never paid attention to sodium, especially since I barely ever use any extra salt except for sprinkle here or there. I went back a few months ago on Sparkpeople to see what my sodium intake on those days was and holy moly, talk about sodium overload. And this was even when I was eating clear and not eating processed foods!

In terms of calories, I was usually sticking between 1500-1800 per day, which I thought was enough, especially since I’m still trying to lose a few lbs. BUT, I am beginning to think that’s not quite the case.

I’m still trying to work out the kinks and find the best way to get to at least 2000 calories a day, but it’s really tough! I’ve been throwing in an extra protein shake on my way out the door in the morning, but at the end of the day, I’m still 100-200 calories away from where I ‘should’ be with 3 meals and 2-3 snacks throughout the day.

I’m nearing the end of P90X, so I am sure I will need to reevaluate my diet again after that. This ratio seems to be ‘working’ as I don’t feel nearly as puffy as I was feeling before. Let's cross our fingers that I can banish this pesky body fat that I'm trying to squash.

I can't hear myself.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that it’s fall. We’re only a week in today, but I see yards filled with leaves and trees changing colors all over. And the smell… I LOVE the smell of fall. It hits a certain point where you realize that the seasons are changing. This weather makes me want to spend the afternoons outside, meandering and taking everything in. It also makes me want to spend the evenings cozied up inside with comfort food for dinner and lots of blankets and pillows on the couch for snuggling.

You may be wondering how last Friday panned out. After I got home from work and began a frenzied attempt at packing, I badgered my boyfriend for his words of wisdom on whether or not I should workout. After a good 5 minutes of my annoying “Should I workout?!” panic, I got a blunt, “if it’s going to bother you so much, why don’t you just workout?!” So, I did.

I had copied down the routine so I breezed through it on my own, skipping some moves (3 total) and skipped Ab Ripper all together, but I did part of the P90 Ab Ripper. Was I glad I worked out? Yes. Was I frustrated that it got me in such a tizzy that I made myself work out? Yes. Next week, plus a rest week (and by rest there are still 6 days of workouts to complete) and I will be done.

I am still up in arms as to what to do after. I know that I need to give myself some freedom and relax a bit. However, I don’t want to ‘undo’ all my hard work either. I kind of miss doing Jillian Michaels workouts (No More Trouble Zones and Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism - I loved to hate these) and a variety of video workouts all together . At the same time though, I’ve ‘heard’ a lot of women say that it wasn’t until their second round of P90X that they started seeing results. And as if I didn’t already have enough options to contemplate, I’ve thought about going to a HIIT/weight routine.

When it boils down to it, I think the key for me is going to learn how to do what I FEEL like doing, not what I think I have to do. It was gorgeous outside yesterday and despite really wanting to take the pups outside for walks and play time, I felt like I had to do my P90X workout before I could do anything else. But I am dedicated to my ‘goals’ so I also need to understand that I’m hard on myself about not skipping scheduled workouts because I am diligent and focused in what I do.

Moving on…

I’ve fell in love with Peanut Flour from Trader Joes. Like, absolutely in love. Right now I am eating it mixed in with Greek yogurt and a little sweetener..helllllooo creamy peanut buttery protein packed snack. I’ve also been adding it to my protein shakes and it is equally delicious in that. My next creation with it will be pancakes. I’m super excited… For those of you who are PB2 fans, you gotta check this stuff out.

P90X yoga is on the schedule for tonight, but I really am not feeling up to that. Up for Yoga, but 90 minutes of crazy yoga? I'm not so sure.

What's the worst that will happen?

Morning gang,

I have not been feeling 100% on the health-o-meter this week. More tired than usual, itchy throat and ears, mild sore throat, etc. It hasn't been to the point where I can't function, but I haven't been comfortable. I've managed to get through this weeks workouts, but am completely spent after. Last night I could have went to bed immediately after dinner. It was at that point that I began contemplating skipping today's workout...

This morning, when my alarm blasted of at 450, I made the choice to not get up and work out. I went back to sleep and enjoyed every moment of it. As soon as alarm 2 went off at 615, I felt guilty for not working out. Since then I've been contemplating if I could fit it in and when I could fit it in. Deciding if I could bargain with myself and just go for a walk today and do some stretching. Even as I am writing this, I'm still contemplating working out before my afternoon plans begin.

If I don't workout, I for whatever reason believe that there will be consequences. The world will end, I will become unlikable, a bad person, my pants won't fit, I will get fat, I will over eat, I will erase all my results and hard work from P90X by making it P89X. Talk about anxiety...

Part of me wants to defy myself, skip it all together. The other part of me believes that I won't feel better until I do it and that I should just do it. Back and forth, back and forth. If this much thought about something to minuscule could be considered a workout, I'd be set for today AND tomorrow.

Happy weekend ya'll!

The half did not kill me

Clearly it has been awhile since I have been here...3 months to be exact! And as you can tell from me posting, I survived the half marathon.

The half seems like eons ago. Between the terrible 10k that I ran and the half itself, I had some kick ass runs that rebuilt my spirits and confidence.

And then… there was the HALF MARATHON!

It’s crazy how 2 months later, I can still clearly remember certain points and moments from the run. We couldn’t have had better weather. It was cool (for July) with very light humidity. The course itself was fairly easy for the first 8 miles or so. I kept at a comfortable pace, but it was faster than I was used to. Around mile 6 we began running into the sun and a LONG stretch of freshly paved asphalt road. This leg of the race went around the lake, so we had some shade coming from trees and houses along the road, but it was tough to beat that glare.

I’m not sure if it was from my faster pace or drinking Gatorade at the water stops (something I hadn’t had during training) I started struggling a bit. My feet felt like they were burning. I could feel that I was getting tired, but I just kept telling myself, ‘You only have a 5k left…so easy!’ I kept at it, pushed myself and stayed as focused as I could. Once I saw the finish line I felt a huge relief rush over me and my adrenalin kicked in. I have never run that fast in my entire life. I don’t know what came over me, but my body was moving and I was just along for the ride. I SPED to the finish line and made my goal. J

I took a week off from planned exercise after that and then on started P90X. I adored P90X at first, but it’s novelty has worn off. I still like it, but I’m not necessarily LOVING it. The 7 day a week, hour plus a day routine is getting old. The program is challenging, but I personally didn’t think it was the living hell that everyone I’ve talked to has cracked it up to be. And crazy EXTREME? Not so much. Again though, don’t get me wrong, it IS challenging. Two more weeks plus a structured rest week and I’m done on October 17th. Contemplating what my plan will be for October 18th…

Part of me wants to take the time to really listen to my body and do what I feel/want when I feel/want. Our bodies were designed to run double digit miles a week. They weren’t designed to do stairs or ride bike for an hour. I can’t remember the last time that I exercised because I WANTED to move my body in that particular way. But.. insert fear here.

If I forgo an exercise plan, will it be ENOUGH? Can I trust myself and my body that I will still workout? That I will still exercise enough to stay healthy? That I will exercise enough to maintain my weight?

I’ve come to a point where I am not working out for fun. I am not working out because I want to, I’m working out because I’ve deemed it as a MUST. Is this good or bad? Verdict is still out…

So, as much as I want to defy myself and stop X-ing, I know I won’t do it. P90X is my fate until 10/17… after that, it’s up in the air.

tomatoes, cherries, Coke can, lobster...

All of the above mentioned are the color of my skin. I have an epic sunburn cooking. No, it’s not nearly as bad as it could be. It’s not blistering. It’s not heating me. It is however sore, tight and makes wearing anything with straps uncomfortable. I am the sunblock pusher. I am ALWAYS on everyone about sunblock when we are outside.


Nate and I were off to the lake on Saturday afternoon. About halfway there, in the middle of nowhere South Dakota, I realize we have no sunlock. Crossing my fingers that my bestie will have brought some, we continue on as we have no other option.


You already know the rest of the story based on the title of this post. There was no sunlock to be found and I have the burn to prove it. The one time I let my guard down and don't go through tremendous lengths to secure the protection of SPF and look what happens! Talk about karma.

Overall, the weekend was absolutely fantastic. Incredibly relaxing.

Training is going so-so. Last week was a little rough so I took it 'easy'. Instead of 5 mile runs on Tuesday and Thursday, I opted for a 3.5 mile run on Tues and a 40 minute bike interval session on Thursday. And instead of my usual cross on Wednesday, I ran 3 miles instead. Friday was supposed to be a rest or easy run day, but I did No More Trouble Zones in the morning and then went for a short run in the evening. Saturday remained a rest day and Sunday I did a 10K. Unfortunately, I got my butt handed to me. It started out fine, but right around the half way mark, it got HARD. The sun was beating down on my sunburned body. There were no shaded streets. I was feeling sluggish, tired, thirsty and getting incredibly frustrated. I ended up finishing off the last 3-4km on a walk/run combo.

I'm chalking up my struggle to the sunburn, the heat, and the lack of nutrition. I ran without food OR an energy gel. I'm not worried about this hiccup. I KNOW that it's not an indication of how the race will be nor is it a reflection of my capabilities.

Dripping

TGIF! Hope everyone had a great week! I am SO looking forward to getting the weekend started. I am heading home for the weekend - haven't been back since Christmas. Where in the heck does time go?! I can't wait for time with the family and an afternoon at the lake with my bestie. :)

Last night's dinner gave me a very strange sense of normality. I had ice cream for dinner. Wait, correction, I had a salad, 5 shrimp with sauteed veggies, a bite of chicken and ice cream. Never before, NEVER EVER, have I allowed myself to have ice cream for dinner. Ice cream for dessert, yes. A bite of ice cream while waiting for dinner, yes. But NEVER for dinner.

Let's go back to two months ago. I would have forced myself to eat dinner of some sorts. After that was finished I would have waited anxiously to eat the ice cream that I wanted. In between dinner and the ice cream, I probably would have nibbled on everything around the ice cream, too.

Last night though, I wasn't hungry for anything, I just wanted that ice cream. And I had it. Today I feel no guilt for it. And that my friends, is HUGE for me.

I have been the victim to food for a long, long time and I am finally starting to feel free. It's had me laying on the ground on my back with it's foot on my face and a gun in kill shot position pointed at me. Not so much anymore :)


I have been kicking BUTT in the workout/half-marathon training department! If you are looking for a stellar toning routine, check out Kim Kardashian's featured routine in June's issue of SHAPE. You can find it on their website, too. I did this routine on Tuesday and Thursday after 4.5miles of intervals/steady pace and it rocked! It kept my heart pumping and totally worked my muscles. Both of these workouts left me soaked and DRIPPING with sweat. Something about that really makes me feel accomplished. And...

DRUMROLL....I completed my max training run! 11 MILES BABY!

It felt absolutely AWESOME! So empowering. I am still glowing from my accomplishment. I had the hardest time deciding if I was going to crank it out or not. I knew that I needed to get a long run in, but I debated on how far I would go. I was feeling groggy and sore when I woke up last Sunday morning, but knew I had to run. I got ready, took down an energy gel, and hopped in the car. Since I did the energy gel, I committed myself to a long run.

I decided to run along the river - new territory for me. The week before I ran 8, but I'd been anxious to hit that 10 mile mark (which I had previously decided would be my max). With three busy/out of town weekends before the half (July 10th) I decided to go for the long run when I knew I could commit myself to it. Nike+ was set and off I went!

Something about running with the downtown skyline in front of TOTALLY revs me up. I was pumped, excited, and energized. Once I hit my 10 mile mark at 1hr45min, I still had a little ways to go to my car. I still felt full of energy, so I took my pace down a bit and continued to jog it out. With my Nike+ saying 10.5 miles when I hit my car, I figured I may as well hit 11 and off I went to finish it out. 1hr 57 min = 11 miles completed. I think this is a proud moment that will stick with me for a LONG time.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Have a great weekend!

Revvvvvvvvved up!

Half way there!



Nothing like a new month to get started on new goals - I'm feeling revved up and ambitious! I am in a huge time of change and self awareness in my life and I am LOVING it.





Newest wellness kicks:

• Cutting back on coffee. It's rare that I can drink a cup of it black, so it's always laced with SOMETHING - Stevia, almond milk, anything creamy and sweet. My newest love is iced coffee protein shakes. Talk about delicious! HOWEVER, I hear so many conflicting stories about coffee being good/bad for you, that I think it's just one of those things that I need to limit. I'm working to limit it during the week and allow it on the weekends. Is there ryhme or reason to this? No, none at all.


• Axing alcohol. It's a rarity that I drink during the week. Weekends are a different story though. Usually a drink Friday night, maybe a couple on Saturday and MAYBE one on Sunday. While it's not an issue, it's a waste of calories and money. I also happen to think it has a huge affect on my body - bloat, puffiness, endurance, etc. With my quickly approaching half marathon, I'm kicking it to the curb and seeing what happens. I've cut it out once before, it'll be a breeze to do it again. And I very much dislike that it's a weekend routine of sorts.


• Drinking AT LEAST a gallon of water a day. Today is day 2 and I am for sure going to exceed my goal. 34oz Nalgene with straw have been attached to my hip since yesterday afternoon. 7 hours into my day and I'm closing in on refill number four. On most occasions I get in my reccomended 8 glasses, but I want to kick it up and see what happens.

Learnings:

You don't get the 'oh, I have to go to the bathroom' feeling. You get the 'WHOA! I need to go to the bathroom feeling. Hopefully this subsides...

After drinking a gallon+ of water in a day, you'd think you wouldn't, especially at 10pm, feel thirsty. FALSE. It's possible.

Quickly approaching...

THE HALF MARATHON!

I can't believe that the race is in a little over a month! I've went from the girl who DREADED running a mile for the Presidential Fitness Test in gym, to the girl who is taking on weekly long distance runs... I never, in my wildest dreams, would have imagined that I would be in these shoes. And while it is such an amazing feat, at this moment in time, I think this will be the culmination of my endurance/long distance running. I'm planning on running the same 10K I ran last fall, but aside from that and workout runs, that's a wrap!

I'm really looking forward to shifting my focus to something new. Right now, I'm contemplating between P90X and INSANITY. My drive is to give myself a lean and toned body by my 25th birthday and I am POSITIVE that I can do it! Both of these programs really spark my interest, but I am not sure which will best fit me and my goals.

My mindset has been so focused on cardio for the last few years. I've been frustrated that I'm not seeing the results that I want, but am realizing that I'm not doing EVERYTHING that I need to do to get there and that's stregth training and toning. Since I started my half marathon training, I've been trying hard to get in at least two strength training sessions in every week. If I'm not doing the Power 90 3-4 Strength circuit or Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones, I'm going through my own routines with dumbells or weight machines.

Super excited for the changes to come with a new plan and routine!

You're only defeated if you accept it, right?

Well, where to begin?! I decided to give this another whirl and see where it goes.

A LOT has changed since the last time I posted here - almost a year and a half! Rather than bore you with the intricate details, I'll clue you all in as to where I am now.

In March, I dropped my crutches and stopped doing Weight Watchers. No more points. Those of you that know me, please don't use all the Earth's air for your gasps. It was a SCARY choice to make, but I was at a point where I wasn't following the plan and I wasn't eating as healthy as I would have liked to. I felt like I couldn't change my habits and decided to try something new.

From there, I went to the Rosedale Health Plan. In a nutshell, it's a low(er) carb diet that focuses on healthy fats and proteins. It has an "A" list of foods that I can ALWAYS have and a "B" list of foods that I can SOMETIMES have. For 21 days I ate from only the 'always' list and am now incorporating the 'sometimes' list into my diet, too.

I've been on this plan for 74 days, but April was full of sloppy (food plan) weekends and those habits have somewhat trickled into May. I'm struggling with allowing myself freedom and feeling obligated to follow strict guidelines. I saw results on the scale in the first month and I *think* saw some visible results. But now, the scale is stuck again. I'm also in a compromising position with the health plan as it is low carb and I am an athlete and need the carbs. I've adjusted my diet to include heatlhy carbs - certain wraps/torillas (always list) and some sprouted grain bread (sometimes list). I've also cycled back in oatmeal, which I LOVE, but that's about the extent of it.

And that's where I am.

This last week has been a whirlwind of self awareness in regards to what I want in my life. I've been thinking a ton about my career, my future, my living situation, my weight, my body... EVERYTHING.

I'm taking a step towards food freedom.

I'm tired (literally and figureatively) of worrying about what I put in my mouth. Part of me believes that having a plan to follow makes it hard for me because I can get obsessive, too rigid, but the thought of no plan, nothing 'off limits' makes my mind go bonkers and want everything under the sun. Maybe that's just a repercussion of being too rigid?

Tired of obsessing over the number on the scale.

I know I am healthy. I know I follow a safe and healthy exercise plan. I know the right foods to eat and I know what foods to eat in moderation.

I think it's time to take a step towards freedom...