You're only defeated if you accept it, right?

Well, where to begin?! I decided to give this another whirl and see where it goes.

A LOT has changed since the last time I posted here - almost a year and a half! Rather than bore you with the intricate details, I'll clue you all in as to where I am now.

In March, I dropped my crutches and stopped doing Weight Watchers. No more points. Those of you that know me, please don't use all the Earth's air for your gasps. It was a SCARY choice to make, but I was at a point where I wasn't following the plan and I wasn't eating as healthy as I would have liked to. I felt like I couldn't change my habits and decided to try something new.

From there, I went to the Rosedale Health Plan. In a nutshell, it's a low(er) carb diet that focuses on healthy fats and proteins. It has an "A" list of foods that I can ALWAYS have and a "B" list of foods that I can SOMETIMES have. For 21 days I ate from only the 'always' list and am now incorporating the 'sometimes' list into my diet, too.

I've been on this plan for 74 days, but April was full of sloppy (food plan) weekends and those habits have somewhat trickled into May. I'm struggling with allowing myself freedom and feeling obligated to follow strict guidelines. I saw results on the scale in the first month and I *think* saw some visible results. But now, the scale is stuck again. I'm also in a compromising position with the health plan as it is low carb and I am an athlete and need the carbs. I've adjusted my diet to include heatlhy carbs - certain wraps/torillas (always list) and some sprouted grain bread (sometimes list). I've also cycled back in oatmeal, which I LOVE, but that's about the extent of it.

And that's where I am.

This last week has been a whirlwind of self awareness in regards to what I want in my life. I've been thinking a ton about my career, my future, my living situation, my weight, my body... EVERYTHING.

I'm taking a step towards food freedom.

I'm tired (literally and figureatively) of worrying about what I put in my mouth. Part of me believes that having a plan to follow makes it hard for me because I can get obsessive, too rigid, but the thought of no plan, nothing 'off limits' makes my mind go bonkers and want everything under the sun. Maybe that's just a repercussion of being too rigid?

Tired of obsessing over the number on the scale.

I know I am healthy. I know I follow a safe and healthy exercise plan. I know the right foods to eat and I know what foods to eat in moderation.

I think it's time to take a step towards freedom...