I can't hear myself.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that it’s fall. We’re only a week in today, but I see yards filled with leaves and trees changing colors all over. And the smell… I LOVE the smell of fall. It hits a certain point where you realize that the seasons are changing. This weather makes me want to spend the afternoons outside, meandering and taking everything in. It also makes me want to spend the evenings cozied up inside with comfort food for dinner and lots of blankets and pillows on the couch for snuggling.

You may be wondering how last Friday panned out. After I got home from work and began a frenzied attempt at packing, I badgered my boyfriend for his words of wisdom on whether or not I should workout. After a good 5 minutes of my annoying “Should I workout?!” panic, I got a blunt, “if it’s going to bother you so much, why don’t you just workout?!” So, I did.

I had copied down the routine so I breezed through it on my own, skipping some moves (3 total) and skipped Ab Ripper all together, but I did part of the P90 Ab Ripper. Was I glad I worked out? Yes. Was I frustrated that it got me in such a tizzy that I made myself work out? Yes. Next week, plus a rest week (and by rest there are still 6 days of workouts to complete) and I will be done.

I am still up in arms as to what to do after. I know that I need to give myself some freedom and relax a bit. However, I don’t want to ‘undo’ all my hard work either. I kind of miss doing Jillian Michaels workouts (No More Trouble Zones and Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism - I loved to hate these) and a variety of video workouts all together . At the same time though, I’ve ‘heard’ a lot of women say that it wasn’t until their second round of P90X that they started seeing results. And as if I didn’t already have enough options to contemplate, I’ve thought about going to a HIIT/weight routine.

When it boils down to it, I think the key for me is going to learn how to do what I FEEL like doing, not what I think I have to do. It was gorgeous outside yesterday and despite really wanting to take the pups outside for walks and play time, I felt like I had to do my P90X workout before I could do anything else. But I am dedicated to my ‘goals’ so I also need to understand that I’m hard on myself about not skipping scheduled workouts because I am diligent and focused in what I do.

Moving on…

I’ve fell in love with Peanut Flour from Trader Joes. Like, absolutely in love. Right now I am eating it mixed in with Greek yogurt and a little sweetener..helllllooo creamy peanut buttery protein packed snack. I’ve also been adding it to my protein shakes and it is equally delicious in that. My next creation with it will be pancakes. I’m super excited… For those of you who are PB2 fans, you gotta check this stuff out.

P90X yoga is on the schedule for tonight, but I really am not feeling up to that. Up for Yoga, but 90 minutes of crazy yoga? I'm not so sure.

What's the worst that will happen?

Morning gang,

I have not been feeling 100% on the health-o-meter this week. More tired than usual, itchy throat and ears, mild sore throat, etc. It hasn't been to the point where I can't function, but I haven't been comfortable. I've managed to get through this weeks workouts, but am completely spent after. Last night I could have went to bed immediately after dinner. It was at that point that I began contemplating skipping today's workout...

This morning, when my alarm blasted of at 450, I made the choice to not get up and work out. I went back to sleep and enjoyed every moment of it. As soon as alarm 2 went off at 615, I felt guilty for not working out. Since then I've been contemplating if I could fit it in and when I could fit it in. Deciding if I could bargain with myself and just go for a walk today and do some stretching. Even as I am writing this, I'm still contemplating working out before my afternoon plans begin.

If I don't workout, I for whatever reason believe that there will be consequences. The world will end, I will become unlikable, a bad person, my pants won't fit, I will get fat, I will over eat, I will erase all my results and hard work from P90X by making it P89X. Talk about anxiety...

Part of me wants to defy myself, skip it all together. The other part of me believes that I won't feel better until I do it and that I should just do it. Back and forth, back and forth. If this much thought about something to minuscule could be considered a workout, I'd be set for today AND tomorrow.

Happy weekend ya'll!

The half did not kill me

Clearly it has been awhile since I have been here...3 months to be exact! And as you can tell from me posting, I survived the half marathon.

The half seems like eons ago. Between the terrible 10k that I ran and the half itself, I had some kick ass runs that rebuilt my spirits and confidence.

And then… there was the HALF MARATHON!

It’s crazy how 2 months later, I can still clearly remember certain points and moments from the run. We couldn’t have had better weather. It was cool (for July) with very light humidity. The course itself was fairly easy for the first 8 miles or so. I kept at a comfortable pace, but it was faster than I was used to. Around mile 6 we began running into the sun and a LONG stretch of freshly paved asphalt road. This leg of the race went around the lake, so we had some shade coming from trees and houses along the road, but it was tough to beat that glare.

I’m not sure if it was from my faster pace or drinking Gatorade at the water stops (something I hadn’t had during training) I started struggling a bit. My feet felt like they were burning. I could feel that I was getting tired, but I just kept telling myself, ‘You only have a 5k left…so easy!’ I kept at it, pushed myself and stayed as focused as I could. Once I saw the finish line I felt a huge relief rush over me and my adrenalin kicked in. I have never run that fast in my entire life. I don’t know what came over me, but my body was moving and I was just along for the ride. I SPED to the finish line and made my goal. J

I took a week off from planned exercise after that and then on started P90X. I adored P90X at first, but it’s novelty has worn off. I still like it, but I’m not necessarily LOVING it. The 7 day a week, hour plus a day routine is getting old. The program is challenging, but I personally didn’t think it was the living hell that everyone I’ve talked to has cracked it up to be. And crazy EXTREME? Not so much. Again though, don’t get me wrong, it IS challenging. Two more weeks plus a structured rest week and I’m done on October 17th. Contemplating what my plan will be for October 18th…

Part of me wants to take the time to really listen to my body and do what I feel/want when I feel/want. Our bodies were designed to run double digit miles a week. They weren’t designed to do stairs or ride bike for an hour. I can’t remember the last time that I exercised because I WANTED to move my body in that particular way. But.. insert fear here.

If I forgo an exercise plan, will it be ENOUGH? Can I trust myself and my body that I will still workout? That I will still exercise enough to stay healthy? That I will exercise enough to maintain my weight?

I’ve come to a point where I am not working out for fun. I am not working out because I want to, I’m working out because I’ve deemed it as a MUST. Is this good or bad? Verdict is still out…

So, as much as I want to defy myself and stop X-ing, I know I won’t do it. P90X is my fate until 10/17… after that, it’s up in the air.