The Detox

I love my CF box.  We have this awesome community that supports and rallies each other on. On the Monday that occurred 12 days ago I was venting about how much trouble I was having kicking the sugar (...Snickers Ice Cream Cones...) and asked if anyone was up for a little detox/diet clean up with me. In my mind I was thinking a weeks worth of clean eats just to get back on track, but before I knew it, I was agreeing to the Balanced Bites 21 Day Sugar Detox. 

21 days of clean eating. No grains (was already following that), no fruit (already said byebye), no added sugars, real or fake, (eh.. not so much) and also no dairy (hasn't happened quite yet), no alcohol (verdict is still out).

The first few days (and by days I mean hours) I was excited. Wooowhooo! Clean eating, feeling good, de-bloating...yippie! But then around Thursday I was like, "Oh.... No cocktails tonight? Or Friday? Or Saturday?" I was grumpy for awhile... and then through the weekend...and then through the week.

I am definitely not a weeknight drinker. It feels out of place, unearned, and unhealthy to me. Who knows why, but I feel like cocktail time is reserved specifically for the weekend, most especially Saturday evening. BUT...this week has been ridiculously, stupidly, annoyingly stressful. I have been on edge and anxious all day long each day this week. Last night was especially awful and I didn't know if I wanted to cry, scream or blow something up.

I've been waiting for news all week and I expected for it to arrive yesterday...it did not. I'm mentally exhausted from waiting. I'm exhausted from being anxious and antsy. I'd been mentally plotting about celebrating or sulking yesterday. Enjoying a cocktail in celebration or eating my feelings in sadness. YES... I was planning to blow the detox.

After a week full of this waiting game, I was in rough shape. Cranky, crabby, out right unreasonable. I'm lucky I'm still engaged.

For awhile I was certain that the right thing to do would be to have a cocktail anyways.
Stacy: "Who cares, you're going to blow it when you find out anyways, why not have one now?"
Stacy:"Yeah, why not?!"
Stacy: "Well, you haven't ate since noonish and it's 7 now, so you better wait until you eat and then have a drink."
Stacy: "Wooowhoo!!! Cocktail time!"

After Stacy and I talked it out, we decided that it wasn't worth it. Blowing the 21 day gig was just going to upset me MORE, especially since I am over half way through now. And that silly cocktail wasn't going to do anything for me anyways. I'll still be anxiously waiting for news until it comes.

So. Here I am. 9 days left. Clean from the inside out. I do feel good and I am glad I'm doing this. I just wish I picked a better time to do it. Stress about eating + a generally stressful stint for the time being do not add up quite right for me.

How do you deal with anxiousness and crazy moods? Ladies...I know you've all been there, so don't hold out on me!