Wishy-washy

Things to not stress about:

Bringing back out your ‘fat’ pants…and loving them.
My first pair of ‘skinny’ pants happens to be one of my favorite pairs, but it has since taken a roll as ‘fat’ pants. Today, I busted them out. They fit. They don’t squeeze my gut, my thighs or my ass. I feel cute in them, I feel comfortable in them, and maybe even a little sexy. Even if they are my fat pants, I don’t care. They fit. I love them. And I am not fat and the pants are just pants.

Feeling like a hungry, hungry hippo.
Last week, mid week, I had the most delicious, most filling bowls of steel cut oats for breakfast two days in a row that left me satisfied until lunch. In hopes to continue that, I had the exact same thing Friday morning, despite really wanting cheesy eggs and toast. Major fail. I was a hungry, hungry, hippo all morning and an unprepared hippo at that. I had NO snacks at work and no idea why I was starving. It went on all day.

I’ve barely started this blog and I have already made it clear that I can be a very wishy-washy, back and forth, ‘can’t make up my mind’ kind of girl.

Towards the end of last week and especially after my hungry, hungry, hippo Friday I began rethinking my choice to go back on WW. I’ve been tracking calories on the side, both eaten and burned and it just doesn’t seem to add up right. I know a deficit is necessary, but my activity+ww=grand canyon deficit.

Aside from being hungry all day Friday, I was also paranoid about Friday evening which would entail dinner out. I refrained from going into the cafeteria to buy something to eat or going to get something to eat to kill the hunger beast because I was concerned about how many points I would need/have left for dinner. When I got home, I gorged on carrots to fill the void and still ended up sending 3 points to a sandwich and leaving me little points for a dinner out. While we were on our way to the restaurant, I started thinking about all the energy I was expending worrying about points.

I know what’s good for my body. I also know what is not good for my body. We ordered appetizers and I tried to mentally track one point for each waffle fry I ate, keep track of how many chips and salsa I ate, guestimate how many points a wing was, and determine how many pieces of flatbread there were without pulling them all apart from eachother. As the night continued, I realized that I didn’t stuff myself with the appetizers. I didn’t hoard them to myself. I wasn’t full beyond full. I realized that I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was eating. I ate it because I enjoyed it. I ate it until I was content, until I realized that the next bite wouldn’t taste any better than the first, second, third, etc., and that I was satisfied.

A few hours later we ordered dinner. I ordered something that I would have ordered whether or not I was counting points. I ordered something that was within MY guidelines of eating. I ordered something that I rationalized as a tasty balance for the appetizers that I ate.

Saturday my mind was in the same place. However, it would be a lie if I said that I didn’t wake up feeling mildly guilty for food choices I made the night before, but again, I balanced with a healthy breakfast, but also something that was what I wanted and not necessarily based on point value. Dizzle and I had a very last minute change of plans in the evening that lead us to a very random and very fun night out with friends. None of it was preplanned, it all just happened. While part of me was panicked thinking ‘POINTS, POINTS, POINTS’ the other part of me was saying, ‘this is life, this is a memory, enjoy it!’ So I did.

Last night was the big kicker for my decision though. Dinner put me over by 3 points. When I went back to calculate my calorie intake for the day, 3 points over put me at 1299 calories. How is it that my day of healthy eating put me WAY under the number of calories I SHOULD eat and 3 points over the amount I am ‘supposed’ to eat? I am taking this week off from exercise, but on a typical workout day for me, I’m burning between 300 and 650 calories. 1300 calories on a day like that is not safe in my opinion!

Don’t get me wrong, WW is a great tool to use to lose weight and I would highly recommend it to anyone that is starting their weight loss journey. It’s just not right for me right now. So, what am I going to do? I’m going to continue to track calories and points for the time being. I am meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow and hopefully that will shed some light on the situation gear me in the right direction.

Thanks for those of you who are putting up with my whining, back and forth and craziness. I’ll get my poop in a group eventually. :)