I can't hear myself.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that it’s fall. We’re only a week in today, but I see yards filled with leaves and trees changing colors all over. And the smell… I LOVE the smell of fall. It hits a certain point where you realize that the seasons are changing. This weather makes me want to spend the afternoons outside, meandering and taking everything in. It also makes me want to spend the evenings cozied up inside with comfort food for dinner and lots of blankets and pillows on the couch for snuggling.

You may be wondering how last Friday panned out. After I got home from work and began a frenzied attempt at packing, I badgered my boyfriend for his words of wisdom on whether or not I should workout. After a good 5 minutes of my annoying “Should I workout?!” panic, I got a blunt, “if it’s going to bother you so much, why don’t you just workout?!” So, I did.

I had copied down the routine so I breezed through it on my own, skipping some moves (3 total) and skipped Ab Ripper all together, but I did part of the P90 Ab Ripper. Was I glad I worked out? Yes. Was I frustrated that it got me in such a tizzy that I made myself work out? Yes. Next week, plus a rest week (and by rest there are still 6 days of workouts to complete) and I will be done.

I am still up in arms as to what to do after. I know that I need to give myself some freedom and relax a bit. However, I don’t want to ‘undo’ all my hard work either. I kind of miss doing Jillian Michaels workouts (No More Trouble Zones and Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism - I loved to hate these) and a variety of video workouts all together . At the same time though, I’ve ‘heard’ a lot of women say that it wasn’t until their second round of P90X that they started seeing results. And as if I didn’t already have enough options to contemplate, I’ve thought about going to a HIIT/weight routine.

When it boils down to it, I think the key for me is going to learn how to do what I FEEL like doing, not what I think I have to do. It was gorgeous outside yesterday and despite really wanting to take the pups outside for walks and play time, I felt like I had to do my P90X workout before I could do anything else. But I am dedicated to my ‘goals’ so I also need to understand that I’m hard on myself about not skipping scheduled workouts because I am diligent and focused in what I do.

Moving on…

I’ve fell in love with Peanut Flour from Trader Joes. Like, absolutely in love. Right now I am eating it mixed in with Greek yogurt and a little sweetener..helllllooo creamy peanut buttery protein packed snack. I’ve also been adding it to my protein shakes and it is equally delicious in that. My next creation with it will be pancakes. I’m super excited… For those of you who are PB2 fans, you gotta check this stuff out.

P90X yoga is on the schedule for tonight, but I really am not feeling up to that. Up for Yoga, but 90 minutes of crazy yoga? I'm not so sure.

What's the worst that will happen?

Morning gang,

I have not been feeling 100% on the health-o-meter this week. More tired than usual, itchy throat and ears, mild sore throat, etc. It hasn't been to the point where I can't function, but I haven't been comfortable. I've managed to get through this weeks workouts, but am completely spent after. Last night I could have went to bed immediately after dinner. It was at that point that I began contemplating skipping today's workout...

This morning, when my alarm blasted of at 450, I made the choice to not get up and work out. I went back to sleep and enjoyed every moment of it. As soon as alarm 2 went off at 615, I felt guilty for not working out. Since then I've been contemplating if I could fit it in and when I could fit it in. Deciding if I could bargain with myself and just go for a walk today and do some stretching. Even as I am writing this, I'm still contemplating working out before my afternoon plans begin.

If I don't workout, I for whatever reason believe that there will be consequences. The world will end, I will become unlikable, a bad person, my pants won't fit, I will get fat, I will over eat, I will erase all my results and hard work from P90X by making it P89X. Talk about anxiety...

Part of me wants to defy myself, skip it all together. The other part of me believes that I won't feel better until I do it and that I should just do it. Back and forth, back and forth. If this much thought about something to minuscule could be considered a workout, I'd be set for today AND tomorrow.

Happy weekend ya'll!

The half did not kill me

Clearly it has been awhile since I have been here...3 months to be exact! And as you can tell from me posting, I survived the half marathon.

The half seems like eons ago. Between the terrible 10k that I ran and the half itself, I had some kick ass runs that rebuilt my spirits and confidence.

And then… there was the HALF MARATHON!

It’s crazy how 2 months later, I can still clearly remember certain points and moments from the run. We couldn’t have had better weather. It was cool (for July) with very light humidity. The course itself was fairly easy for the first 8 miles or so. I kept at a comfortable pace, but it was faster than I was used to. Around mile 6 we began running into the sun and a LONG stretch of freshly paved asphalt road. This leg of the race went around the lake, so we had some shade coming from trees and houses along the road, but it was tough to beat that glare.

I’m not sure if it was from my faster pace or drinking Gatorade at the water stops (something I hadn’t had during training) I started struggling a bit. My feet felt like they were burning. I could feel that I was getting tired, but I just kept telling myself, ‘You only have a 5k left…so easy!’ I kept at it, pushed myself and stayed as focused as I could. Once I saw the finish line I felt a huge relief rush over me and my adrenalin kicked in. I have never run that fast in my entire life. I don’t know what came over me, but my body was moving and I was just along for the ride. I SPED to the finish line and made my goal. J

I took a week off from planned exercise after that and then on started P90X. I adored P90X at first, but it’s novelty has worn off. I still like it, but I’m not necessarily LOVING it. The 7 day a week, hour plus a day routine is getting old. The program is challenging, but I personally didn’t think it was the living hell that everyone I’ve talked to has cracked it up to be. And crazy EXTREME? Not so much. Again though, don’t get me wrong, it IS challenging. Two more weeks plus a structured rest week and I’m done on October 17th. Contemplating what my plan will be for October 18th…

Part of me wants to take the time to really listen to my body and do what I feel/want when I feel/want. Our bodies were designed to run double digit miles a week. They weren’t designed to do stairs or ride bike for an hour. I can’t remember the last time that I exercised because I WANTED to move my body in that particular way. But.. insert fear here.

If I forgo an exercise plan, will it be ENOUGH? Can I trust myself and my body that I will still workout? That I will still exercise enough to stay healthy? That I will exercise enough to maintain my weight?

I’ve come to a point where I am not working out for fun. I am not working out because I want to, I’m working out because I’ve deemed it as a MUST. Is this good or bad? Verdict is still out…

So, as much as I want to defy myself and stop X-ing, I know I won’t do it. P90X is my fate until 10/17… after that, it’s up in the air.

tomatoes, cherries, Coke can, lobster...

All of the above mentioned are the color of my skin. I have an epic sunburn cooking. No, it’s not nearly as bad as it could be. It’s not blistering. It’s not heating me. It is however sore, tight and makes wearing anything with straps uncomfortable. I am the sunblock pusher. I am ALWAYS on everyone about sunblock when we are outside.


Nate and I were off to the lake on Saturday afternoon. About halfway there, in the middle of nowhere South Dakota, I realize we have no sunlock. Crossing my fingers that my bestie will have brought some, we continue on as we have no other option.


You already know the rest of the story based on the title of this post. There was no sunlock to be found and I have the burn to prove it. The one time I let my guard down and don't go through tremendous lengths to secure the protection of SPF and look what happens! Talk about karma.

Overall, the weekend was absolutely fantastic. Incredibly relaxing.

Training is going so-so. Last week was a little rough so I took it 'easy'. Instead of 5 mile runs on Tuesday and Thursday, I opted for a 3.5 mile run on Tues and a 40 minute bike interval session on Thursday. And instead of my usual cross on Wednesday, I ran 3 miles instead. Friday was supposed to be a rest or easy run day, but I did No More Trouble Zones in the morning and then went for a short run in the evening. Saturday remained a rest day and Sunday I did a 10K. Unfortunately, I got my butt handed to me. It started out fine, but right around the half way mark, it got HARD. The sun was beating down on my sunburned body. There were no shaded streets. I was feeling sluggish, tired, thirsty and getting incredibly frustrated. I ended up finishing off the last 3-4km on a walk/run combo.

I'm chalking up my struggle to the sunburn, the heat, and the lack of nutrition. I ran without food OR an energy gel. I'm not worried about this hiccup. I KNOW that it's not an indication of how the race will be nor is it a reflection of my capabilities.

Dripping

TGIF! Hope everyone had a great week! I am SO looking forward to getting the weekend started. I am heading home for the weekend - haven't been back since Christmas. Where in the heck does time go?! I can't wait for time with the family and an afternoon at the lake with my bestie. :)

Last night's dinner gave me a very strange sense of normality. I had ice cream for dinner. Wait, correction, I had a salad, 5 shrimp with sauteed veggies, a bite of chicken and ice cream. Never before, NEVER EVER, have I allowed myself to have ice cream for dinner. Ice cream for dessert, yes. A bite of ice cream while waiting for dinner, yes. But NEVER for dinner.

Let's go back to two months ago. I would have forced myself to eat dinner of some sorts. After that was finished I would have waited anxiously to eat the ice cream that I wanted. In between dinner and the ice cream, I probably would have nibbled on everything around the ice cream, too.

Last night though, I wasn't hungry for anything, I just wanted that ice cream. And I had it. Today I feel no guilt for it. And that my friends, is HUGE for me.

I have been the victim to food for a long, long time and I am finally starting to feel free. It's had me laying on the ground on my back with it's foot on my face and a gun in kill shot position pointed at me. Not so much anymore :)


I have been kicking BUTT in the workout/half-marathon training department! If you are looking for a stellar toning routine, check out Kim Kardashian's featured routine in June's issue of SHAPE. You can find it on their website, too. I did this routine on Tuesday and Thursday after 4.5miles of intervals/steady pace and it rocked! It kept my heart pumping and totally worked my muscles. Both of these workouts left me soaked and DRIPPING with sweat. Something about that really makes me feel accomplished. And...

DRUMROLL....I completed my max training run! 11 MILES BABY!

It felt absolutely AWESOME! So empowering. I am still glowing from my accomplishment. I had the hardest time deciding if I was going to crank it out or not. I knew that I needed to get a long run in, but I debated on how far I would go. I was feeling groggy and sore when I woke up last Sunday morning, but knew I had to run. I got ready, took down an energy gel, and hopped in the car. Since I did the energy gel, I committed myself to a long run.

I decided to run along the river - new territory for me. The week before I ran 8, but I'd been anxious to hit that 10 mile mark (which I had previously decided would be my max). With three busy/out of town weekends before the half (July 10th) I decided to go for the long run when I knew I could commit myself to it. Nike+ was set and off I went!

Something about running with the downtown skyline in front of TOTALLY revs me up. I was pumped, excited, and energized. Once I hit my 10 mile mark at 1hr45min, I still had a little ways to go to my car. I still felt full of energy, so I took my pace down a bit and continued to jog it out. With my Nike+ saying 10.5 miles when I hit my car, I figured I may as well hit 11 and off I went to finish it out. 1hr 57 min = 11 miles completed. I think this is a proud moment that will stick with me for a LONG time.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Have a great weekend!

Revvvvvvvvved up!

Half way there!



Nothing like a new month to get started on new goals - I'm feeling revved up and ambitious! I am in a huge time of change and self awareness in my life and I am LOVING it.





Newest wellness kicks:

• Cutting back on coffee. It's rare that I can drink a cup of it black, so it's always laced with SOMETHING - Stevia, almond milk, anything creamy and sweet. My newest love is iced coffee protein shakes. Talk about delicious! HOWEVER, I hear so many conflicting stories about coffee being good/bad for you, that I think it's just one of those things that I need to limit. I'm working to limit it during the week and allow it on the weekends. Is there ryhme or reason to this? No, none at all.


• Axing alcohol. It's a rarity that I drink during the week. Weekends are a different story though. Usually a drink Friday night, maybe a couple on Saturday and MAYBE one on Sunday. While it's not an issue, it's a waste of calories and money. I also happen to think it has a huge affect on my body - bloat, puffiness, endurance, etc. With my quickly approaching half marathon, I'm kicking it to the curb and seeing what happens. I've cut it out once before, it'll be a breeze to do it again. And I very much dislike that it's a weekend routine of sorts.


• Drinking AT LEAST a gallon of water a day. Today is day 2 and I am for sure going to exceed my goal. 34oz Nalgene with straw have been attached to my hip since yesterday afternoon. 7 hours into my day and I'm closing in on refill number four. On most occasions I get in my reccomended 8 glasses, but I want to kick it up and see what happens.

Learnings:

You don't get the 'oh, I have to go to the bathroom' feeling. You get the 'WHOA! I need to go to the bathroom feeling. Hopefully this subsides...

After drinking a gallon+ of water in a day, you'd think you wouldn't, especially at 10pm, feel thirsty. FALSE. It's possible.

Quickly approaching...

THE HALF MARATHON!

I can't believe that the race is in a little over a month! I've went from the girl who DREADED running a mile for the Presidential Fitness Test in gym, to the girl who is taking on weekly long distance runs... I never, in my wildest dreams, would have imagined that I would be in these shoes. And while it is such an amazing feat, at this moment in time, I think this will be the culmination of my endurance/long distance running. I'm planning on running the same 10K I ran last fall, but aside from that and workout runs, that's a wrap!

I'm really looking forward to shifting my focus to something new. Right now, I'm contemplating between P90X and INSANITY. My drive is to give myself a lean and toned body by my 25th birthday and I am POSITIVE that I can do it! Both of these programs really spark my interest, but I am not sure which will best fit me and my goals.

My mindset has been so focused on cardio for the last few years. I've been frustrated that I'm not seeing the results that I want, but am realizing that I'm not doing EVERYTHING that I need to do to get there and that's stregth training and toning. Since I started my half marathon training, I've been trying hard to get in at least two strength training sessions in every week. If I'm not doing the Power 90 3-4 Strength circuit or Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones, I'm going through my own routines with dumbells or weight machines.

Super excited for the changes to come with a new plan and routine!

You're only defeated if you accept it, right?

Well, where to begin?! I decided to give this another whirl and see where it goes.

A LOT has changed since the last time I posted here - almost a year and a half! Rather than bore you with the intricate details, I'll clue you all in as to where I am now.

In March, I dropped my crutches and stopped doing Weight Watchers. No more points. Those of you that know me, please don't use all the Earth's air for your gasps. It was a SCARY choice to make, but I was at a point where I wasn't following the plan and I wasn't eating as healthy as I would have liked to. I felt like I couldn't change my habits and decided to try something new.

From there, I went to the Rosedale Health Plan. In a nutshell, it's a low(er) carb diet that focuses on healthy fats and proteins. It has an "A" list of foods that I can ALWAYS have and a "B" list of foods that I can SOMETIMES have. For 21 days I ate from only the 'always' list and am now incorporating the 'sometimes' list into my diet, too.

I've been on this plan for 74 days, but April was full of sloppy (food plan) weekends and those habits have somewhat trickled into May. I'm struggling with allowing myself freedom and feeling obligated to follow strict guidelines. I saw results on the scale in the first month and I *think* saw some visible results. But now, the scale is stuck again. I'm also in a compromising position with the health plan as it is low carb and I am an athlete and need the carbs. I've adjusted my diet to include heatlhy carbs - certain wraps/torillas (always list) and some sprouted grain bread (sometimes list). I've also cycled back in oatmeal, which I LOVE, but that's about the extent of it.

And that's where I am.

This last week has been a whirlwind of self awareness in regards to what I want in my life. I've been thinking a ton about my career, my future, my living situation, my weight, my body... EVERYTHING.

I'm taking a step towards food freedom.

I'm tired (literally and figureatively) of worrying about what I put in my mouth. Part of me believes that having a plan to follow makes it hard for me because I can get obsessive, too rigid, but the thought of no plan, nothing 'off limits' makes my mind go bonkers and want everything under the sun. Maybe that's just a repercussion of being too rigid?

Tired of obsessing over the number on the scale.

I know I am healthy. I know I follow a safe and healthy exercise plan. I know the right foods to eat and I know what foods to eat in moderation.

I think it's time to take a step towards freedom...